Not Easy

I am so sick of that phrase, of hearing it or seeing it lurk unspoken in someone's eyes. It's not easy to get a job. It's not easy to get into a field you like. It's not easy to do this, or that, or anything. When did this become news, anyway? Who ever thought life was easy?

I've lived "easy" for years, and I've felt increasingly ill at ease in spirit over it. I'm so tired of digging holes in the ground instead of investing what I've been given. I'm tired of wrapping self-sabotage and self-doubt around me like armor, because it's tin foil armor that protects from nothing, nothing at all.

If my only two choices really are spectacular failure or safe hiding, I want to go down blazing.