Despite how hard my mother has tried, I'm not that great at eye contact. Here the top three scenarios that throw me off:
1) Spotting someone walking towards you. You see her. She sees you. You are both thoroughly aware of each other's presence...in fact, painfully so. Do you sustain eye contact, even though that might mean staring at each other for 45 seconds before you're even within proper hollering range? Do you pretend there is something else that has suddenly caught your eye off to the side? Do you look down at your feet as though suddenly afraid that the terrain in, say, your office building is treacherous and takes careful attention to navigate?
2) Catching somebody's eye while sitting at church. There you are, casually glancing around to see who's there, and you've accidentally snagged eyes with somebody doing the same thing. If you're close friends, you can smile and wave or nod, almost as though you were looking for them. If you don't know them that well or are currently feeling a strain in your relationship or have simply been caught off-guard in the middle of clandestinely perusing a room full of a people when you're "supposed to" be meditating on the service (ahead or in progress, depending on the seriousness of the offense), it's more likely you will break eye contact awkwardly and go back to staring fixedly at your bulletin. (This is where it helps if your church has a large bulletin with lots of coming activity notes or prayer requests. Our church's evening bulletin is a flimsy subterfugeous refuge. Yes, I just adjectivized the word "subterfuge.")
3) Having a one-on-one conversation. This is the most pulse-pounding form of eye contact, and is why my favorite conversations are conducted in cars, on bike rides, or on walks. It is easier for me to talk to you if I don't have to make eye contact with you. Seriously, I love you and everything, but I like my secrets. I've been told I have a very expressive face and I don't want to accidentally say something with my eyes that I didn't want you to know. In small group conversations that vary the eye contact, it's a little better. You can dodge eyes around from person to person fast enough that (hopefully) people don't get any unwelcome glimpses into your soul. However, I still do a lot of staring at random points on the ceiling/floor/wall/etc. when I start talking about important stuff, or when I'm nervous.
It's not that I don't appreciate everybody's eyes, or realize that making eye contact is respectful and shows interest in the other person and that talking to a person with shifty eyes is both distracting and a little bit disturbing. I do know all of that. I hate when I'm trying to make eye contact with somebody who is studiously avoiding it, so I know I'm a hypocrite on that point.
How about you? How much eye contact can you handle?
3 comments:
I like eye contact with those I know well. I hate the far away situations where if you acknowledge it right away you are staring at each other forever or ignoring each other. For the one on one conversations I have grown a little fearful of it since one of my coworkers told me a while ago that I have a penetrating stare. It really depends on the moment for me. I notice I tend to look down if they are going to like what I am going to say. For example, that I am a Detroit Red Wing fan.
It depends, but on the whole I guess I like a lot of eye contact. If it's constant, though, that's not average, and depending on the circumstances, could be unsettling. When you catch someone's eye, you might want to give a little nod, or smile, or say "Hi." (or in my case, I usually say "Howdy," but that's not everyone's style ;)
Then it doesn't seem odd that you have looked in their eyes.
"I hate the far away situations where if you acknowledge it right away you are staring at each other forever or ignoring each other."
Lol, very well put!
What I don't like is when I am talking to someone and they can't make any eye contact. They'll look above me or to the side or anywhere but look into my eyes. It's like they are self-conscious or guilty about something and can't face me. Then there are people who will look at me but also be looking beyond me and I know they would rather be talking with that other person. Then I would rather not have them make eye contact ~ just go talk with the other person. Don't feel you HAVE to talk to me.
I also prefer not to have constant eye contact. My eyes tend to dry out. :) I like to look away from time to time, but on the whole, keep my eyes focused on the person's eyes.
You come from a long line of those with expressive faces. ;) That can be a good thing ~ it's like a blessing and a curse. Can you tell what we've been watching? :)
Post a Comment