College-era throwback, early-onset mid-life crisis, or something else?

People keep asking how the job search is going, and I don't know how to answer. It feels like an emotional land mine--a casually-meant question that edges closer to dangerous ground than the questioner is aware--and I've found my perimeter defenses kicking into action.

I spent over seven years doing something that as a child I told myself I would never, never do (a desk job! horrors!), and I'm afraid of getting into another rut like that. And my latent idealism is reactivating. I'm getting all these ideas about working for a nonprofit, of doing something creative on the side, of trading a "dependable" income for job satisfaction.

People are staring at me blankly a lot when I do say these things, and I feel like I've given the wrong answer on a test, or that (worse) maybe they see through me and don't think I've got it in me to follow through. (Do I?)

I know what I want, but I don't know if I want it enough. Or if it even matters what I want. Maybe I'm just an angsty, overly-enabled middle-class American white girl with the luxury of introspection who needs to get over herself. Maybe that's comfier to believe than any of the alternatives.

How's the job search going? Well, my resume is on Monster and CareerBuilder and CalvinLink and I've got a few leads I'm following up on and I'm learning how to write resumes and cover letters and I went to a practice interview and I know for sure I don't want to do 100% commission sales and I have more surface information to throw at you if you want or is that already more than you wanted to know?