Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Switching Temples

I have long been amazed by the absolute un-necessity of the individual human being. I have seen it in death, a wrenching separation that everyone else, strangely and sometimes unwillingly, manages to live through. I have seen it in divorce, more painful than death in some ways because the person you knew died and their face and form still populate the world. I have seen it in departure, in which friends and family go their own ways and have their own lives. I see it even on a small scale, when I am away from my church for a few weeks. Two weeks in a row away from my church is enough time for some momentous changes to happen. Two weeks’ absence is enough time to show that you aren’t really needed at all.

Which is all as it should be, shouldn’t it, at church above all other places? Isn’t God the only one who is ever truly necessary? Yet the deity of self insists on worship. It demands to be needed, to be missed, to be wanted—regardless of the passage of time, regardless of deserving—needed, missed, and wanted for the sake of self. For the deity of self, it is easier to draw back from everyone and live completely alone than to confront the fact that you are not the center of anyone’s universe. To claim your right to be the master of your fate and captain of your soul, even if your fate is inner death and your ship is sailing over the edge of the world.

One of my favorite comments on how we should perceive ourselves in relation to others comes at the end of Dorothy L. Sayer’s book Gaudy Night. When Lord Peter Wimsey proposes to Harriet Vane, she asks, “If I refuse, will it make you desperately unhappy?” He replies, “I would never insult myself or you with the word ‘desperate.’ But if you accept, it would make me very happy.”

There is no loss that truly takes the life out of us, not the whole life. There is no person without whom we could not go on living, without whom we would be desperate, despairing of all hope. But there are people whose existence makes us very happy. There are people who have been placed into our lives as blessings from God. There are people who come into our lives as trials from God, and when you get down to it, even the trials are blessings. None of these people are there for forever, and to try to hold onto them as if they were is an insult to them, to ourselves, and to God, who has appointed seasons for all things and for all people.

May God be the only one we can’t live without, and may we wake every morning to find the deity of self lying prostrate and broken before His glory.

Bambaran Wisdom

My friend Pete ("Professor Henry Higgins" from Intro to Directing, for any who might remember) is working with the Peace Corps in Mali right now, and he sent out a list of some of his favorite proverbs and benedictions in the local language. Here they are.


Ala k’an kélén kélén wuli
Good night; literally, “May we wake up one by one”. (If everybody wakes up at the same time, something bad has happened.)

Ala k’a dogow caya a korow ye
“May he have more younger siblings than older ones”; a benediction used when a child is born.

Ala k’aw kan bén
“May your voices meet [be harmonious]”; a benediction for marriages.

Ala k’aw kisi sabaranitigiw ma
“May you be saved from the gossipers”; another benediction for marriages.

Yirikurun mén o mén ji la, a té ké bama ye
“However long a log stays in the water, it won’t ever become a crocodile.” Things and people are what they are despite their surroundings.

Gabugu ka koro ni misiri ye
“The kitchen is older than the mosque”; family is the basis of society.

Bolokoni kélén té se ka bélé ta
“One finger can’t pick up a rock”; importance of teamwork.


Sen kélén té sira bo
“One foot can’t make a trail”; friendship must be reciprocal.

Ni do ka ba ma sa, do ka na té diya
“If someone’s goat doesn’t die, someone’s sauce won’t be good”; sacrifices are necessary for happiness.

N’i y’a fo, ‘a ye n démé ka n ka waraba faga’ o ka soro a tulo b’i bolo; nga, n’a ku b’i bolo mogosi t’i démé
“If you say, ‘Come help me kill this lion’, you had better have its ears; if you only have its tail, no one will help you.” Have control of a situation before you ask others for help.

Dondokoro kungolo té dogo naji la
“A rooster’s head can’t be hidden in the sauce”; someone’s character always comes out.

Kélé bé ban ; kumajugu té ban
“Even wars come to an end, but insults never do.”

Mogo bé na mogo de bolo ; mogo bé taa mogo de bolo
“People arrive in human hands and depart in human hands”; between the midwife and the gravedigger, people need other people.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Concert Update

The Rachel Zylstra and Some Other People concert was so fun. I saw Katie Boelema and Megan formerly-Kok and Morgan Foster and, of course, the lovely Rachel Zylstra. I spent time in the Gezon, which was a much better space for the concert than the FAC (where I erroneously believed it was being held). That space is close to my heart--it is rejuvenating to be there.

Something about watching artists at work makes me want to rush out and be artistic.... But something about having a meeting in less than 8 hours and then having to drive for 2 hours and then ride for 3 hours and then be a guestbook attendant at my cousin's wedding and then ride for 3 hours and then drive for 2 hours the next day makes me want to rush to bed.

I'll plan on creative dreams.

Beautiful music, comin' up!

Guess where I'm going tonight? The FAC. Guess who I'm going to see there? Rachel Zylstra. That's right. And I'm bringing my CD so that she can sign it for me. Ohhhh, yeah. When she's famous, I'll have this signed CD, and I will never sell it because it will be a cherished memento.

I have another signed CD in my collection. It bears the names of Karl Boettcher, Morgan Foster, Ryan Hoke, and Tim Haig. I wonder if they signed a lot of other CDs.... Perhaps the infamous ("more than famous") Karl could shed some light on that question.

Speaking of autographs, an 8-year-old girl came up to me in church a few weeks ago and asked for mine. She told me she was collecting autographs because she was bored. It was sort of a strange feeling to sign an autograph, even if it WAS just for an 8-year-old playing at celebrity hound because she had nothing better to do.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Leave the poor man alone!

Last night I was on the treadmill for about half an hour, and the "Cheney shoots hunter" story was on CNN for most of that time.

For crying out loud, leave Cheney alone! Yeah, it was a horrible thing that happened, but it was an accident. It's not because he's inherently stupid, or because he was trying to kill someone. And if you accidentally shot one of your friends, would you appreciate gloating media attention? Um, no.

Lay off, already!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Hearing my own words

Usually when I write something, I can't remember exactly how it went. It’s on the page, so it's out of my head. I can remember lines here and there, but only as I remember someone else’s work. Sometimes I find that later I am quoting my own lines to myself, and that they mean something new to me now. It's almost as though in some way I wrote them to my future self.

To take some of the profundity out of that, the most recent work I’ve found myself quoting repeatedly is a short fanfiction monologue starring Spike of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame. The entire piece can be found at this link (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1810430/1/), but here is the bit that has been running over and over in my head: "Everybody leaves. One way or another, they all leave, even if all they're trying to do is stay. Life doesn't ask you for your opinion. [...] You can leave without taking a step, luv. It takes all our running just to stay in one place."

Oh, Spike...you’re so right....

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Youth Group Skit Directing Notes

My directing style with people who don't take it seriously is rather...drill instructor.

Me: Janessa and Colin, I want you to...Colin...Colin...HUNTER! I'm TALKING to you!!!

Me: That's why it's called acting. You don't have to like it, you just have to say it, so SAY IT.

Me: You two! We need you here an hour ago, but we'll take now--get onstage!

The kids don't like me when I do that. But then if they play nice, I try to reward them...like pets.

Me: Great line reading, I think that's the best line. You're both right on target with that set of lines.

Me: That was much better, much...I knew you could do it.

Me: Good job; thanks, guys!

Because, really, all I want from them is for them to respect everybody's time and to put their best effort in for the group. I'm not looking for the next Dustin Hoffman, I just want them to do their best, because I know they can all do better than they think they can do.

And then when they do it, and the mutual respect clicks....

Colin: I'm sorry for being nasty and having a bad attitude.
Me: Thanks, Colin. I am not worried that you won't be able to do this. You're gonna do great.

It's a beautiful thing.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I don't do all-nighters.

The latest I've ever stayed up was the time I grossly underestimated how long it would take to put together a collage for my stage make-up class at Calvin. I was up until 5:00 working on it, but I was driven by "I can't believe I didn't do this yet and it needs to be done for class TOMORROW" adhrenaline. Group sports don't motivate me in the same way. I enjoyed my time at the youth retreat I went to on Friday night, but not enough to want to keep playing around for the whole night. Sleep is one of my favorite things.

Why then, you ask, did I sign up to be a leader at an all-night youth retreat? Well, I didn't know when I was signing up that it was an ALL-nighter. I thought it was OVERnighter. (Lesson: Read the brochure carefully.) I was going to try to stay up, but at about 2:30 I realized that I had lost the will to keep trying, so I slept on the couch in the lounge. This led to entertainment for lots of the kids and younger leaders, as when I woke up at 6:00 I got a lot of "Hiiiiii, Suzanne! Did you have a nice nap?" sort of greetings. One of these people said, "Did you sleep well? I was poking you." I asked if he was serious, and he said, "Yeah, I had a cue stick and I was poking at your finger and everything, but you didn't get up, so I stopped." Wow. Didn't know I was that far out of it. It felt like I was mostly awake the whole time.

A sad thing about the retreat last night was that it was held at the YMCA downtown and there were large sections of the place that were cordoned off. It makes sense, but I was hoping to get in some good treadmill and weight-lifting time. Oh, well. I ran around the track a few times (stopping for breath before making it all the way around) and discovered that running on a track is a step up from running on a treadmill. You create wind resistance on a track. Fascinating. Anyway, I probably did all right considering I've only been working on my running for a few weeks. And there were people cheering me on, which was not exactly helping because it made me want to laugh, but it was nice anyway. I didn't get to do the climbing walls, either. Now I want to go climbing. Sometime next month, maybe, as all my February weekends are booked already.

When I woke up on Saturday afternoon all I wanted was to go back to my new mattress--it's so much more comfortable than my old mattress was. (I can't believe I've been missing out on this quality sleep for so long.) Well, in a classic "be careful what you wish for" turn of events, I contracted an intestinal virus on Sunday morning and I was in bed from about noon yesterday until about 9 a.m. today, and I will probably be spending some of today in bed again, too. Well, at least it's a great mattress for almost-dying on....

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Too much cruelty....

My co-worker forwarded me this link about bird abuse: http://queeniedesigns.com/CindyTest2.htm. Now, on the animal level, bird abuse is for me what dog abuse is to most other people. It makes me sick. I almost cried. And now I want to hug my parents' macaw Frodo, although to Frods that would BE bird abuse, so I guess I take that back.

It isn't on the morally reprehensible level of child abuse, but I think that people who abuse animals are not much better than child abusers. Because, really, abusing animals or children is feeding off a power rush over people and creatures who are not able to defend themselves. Why do people who don't want to care for their animals even have them? Why do people who aren't going to protect their children even have them, when there are so many people who would love to have children and can't? Why must we insist on control even though our desire to lord it over other creatures and people harms them and us?

No wonder all of creation groans together.