You don't know me...and maybe also you do

This morning I was part of a conversation on the value of Facebook, and whether it helps or hinders relationships. A friend of mine said she hated the shallowness of it, the lack of truly meaningful interaction, the ease with which time can be wasted. I have a Facebook account myself, but I agree with her, and while I don't think those problems are unique to the internet, I think they are definitely exacerbated online. (Isn't "exacerbated" a great word?)

Also this morning, my church grandma Rosemary said she is enjoying reading my blog, that she feels she is getting to know me more and more because of it. She said she doesn't want to comment because she doesn't want everyone to be able to see what she writes.

At first I was looking at these as purely internet-related issues, but the more they simmer in my mind, the more they clarify into issues of exposure. No matter what the avenue, from the stage to the internet to the living room, those who present themselves before us will be seen as people we know.

We were created to exist in relationship. We were created for openness and depth. Now, twisted and fallen, we walk the line between perceiving what does not exist and denying what does.

What do I mean? Let me try to explain by a few examples:

• I appreciate the writing of Andrée Seu, a columnist for WORLD magazine. She makes me think and challenges my faith in encouraging ways. Do I know her?
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• I greatly enjoyed Calvin's improvisational comedy team. I attended their shows regularly and laughed over the jokes with friends later. I even had a few classes with some of the members of the team. Did I know them?
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• I have heard my pastor preach hundreds of times since I joined Harvest. I have been in smaller classes under his leadership. I have attended church picnics where he was present. Do I know him? 
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• I was homeschooled. I spent nearly all day, every day, in the company of my mother and brother. I talked to them on the phone frequently when I was in college and more frequently afterwards. Do I know them?

To all of the above, the answer is the same: "Yes and no." I knew the part of themselves they chose to reveal to me, whether or not it was in a public forum. Even then, I only knew what they were showing in the moment, not the totality of their experiences. Knowledge, but incomplete knowledge.

One more example: I live in my own head. Much as it is a constant struggle for me to understand those outside of me, it can be as much of a struggle to understand myself. Do I really believe what I say I believe? Am I living honestly? Do I know myself? Yes and no.

The danger we all face is the danger of assumption. We assume we know people, that our relationships are solid, that we don't need to put any more effort into them. We assume everything on the surface is all we need to know, and maybe sometimes that is enough. But maybe sometimes we want to be read. And always, always, we desire someone who desires to know us. We don't want to spill our hearts and lives into the void. We want someone to catch us...to want to catch us.

It's a desire that's either doomed to be unfulfilled or destined to be fulfilled beyond all we could ask or imagine. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known." (1 Corinthians 13:12)

For now, incomplete knowledge and imperfect relationships are all we have.

For now.