Things I needed to hear today

"Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" (Luke 11:11-13)

I've been wrestling again with what it means to want things I don't have. Isn't that covetousness? Over and over again, God tells us to ask. But should I ask God for anything besides the Holy Spirit?

"And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.'" (Matthew 26:39)

The fact that Jesus Himself asks for something that doesn't happen is immensely comforting. It means requests aren't denied because of a lack of faith, or because certain hurdles haven't been leapt, or because God doesn't love me that way. It means it's God-glorifying to simultaneously pray for something you strongly desire and lay it at the feet of God in sacrifice. We don't have to be ascetics. As my friend Lisa has told me repeatedly, "We're not Buddhists. It's okay to want things." It's only a matter of which desire is to be master.

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." (2 Corinthians 12:7-8)

I think Satan would be thrilled if I settled into the lie that God is in the business of ambushing me, of setting me up for a fall. If it weren't for the fact that I grew up in a Calvinist denomination that didn't talk much about him, I'd say with greater confidence that I can hear his voice at times (one of two voices calling for the same sheep).

"You can lower your expectations," he says. "Stop wanting the things you're wanting. Isn't it a waste of your time? You'll never be worth them. You're not trying hard enough. Look at all the people around you who've got things figured out. They certainly seem to be content in every circumstance, don't they? They ask for God to remove temptation, and it disappears! They plead for clarity and receive it. Their prayers have greater efficacy. Why do you suppose that is? Suzanne, have you seen yourself? You keep thinking you're trying to follow God, but you end up disappointed again, and again, and again...does God treat His children that way?"

But every time I fall down in disappointment, "Not my will, but yours" comes faster to my mind. (Not easier, exactly. But faster.) Every time people and places and situations and things and my own foolish flesh and heart fail me, I want to be wholly His even more than I did before.

He's good, but He's not safe. And through all of these everyday trials He's making me dangerous, too.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)