"For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." (James 3:7-10)
This year I've been under a lot of stress, from one quarter or another. I've felt unappreciated and invisible, abused and neglected. Whether or not I have been isn't really the subject of this post. This post is about how I handle it.
I talk too much. I tell people things that are none of their business. Not in just an internet forum way. Here I work on distilling my thoughts, on sharing what's going on with me in the hope that somebody might benefit from some of it. No, I mean the sort of way in which you start talking about personal things to people you barely know, and the voice saying, "Why should they care?" in the back of your head is probably not a self-deprecating question, but a legitimate one.
I'm verbally fierce. For instance, I work customer service. All too often, people on the other side of a phone or a computer connection get called out...well, called out to other co-workers, anyway. Everyone is going to know that it wasn't MY fault that such-and-such didn't happen, because so-and-so was incompetent. My knee-jerk reaction certainly isn't grace, that's for sure.
My mom says I should learn to speak the above sorts of thoughts to God instead of spouting them off to anybody who would listen. I agree, but from past experience I'm a little afraid of taking them solely to God. (See my post from July 16 on subtle idolatry.) My quandary, then, is this: When does explanation cross over into complaining? When does a prayer request become gossip? How much do I need to say before it becomes self-justifying?
It seems many of the answers lie in self-sacrifice, in seeking to elevate others above myself, in trusting that God has my back even if nobody else knows the trouble I've seen.
I can see why so many people in religious orders around the world take vows of silence. And why so many moms say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
1 comment:
The older I get, the more I realize that it is better to speak less and listen more. It doesn't matter what others think of me, but it does matter what the Lord knows about me. I, too, like to talk a lot (as you know) and there are times I say more than I need to and then ask myself, 'Why did I share that?'. I'll put my foot into my mouth and then try to get it out. It is better to have remained quiet. SO, I pray that God would give me discernment and wisdom on what to say and when to say it. It is something I strive for every day of my life, to glorify Christ with my tongue, attitudes, actions and all that is in me. I don't always pass the test but I am getting higher grades the older I get. Praise the Lord He is still at work in me. :)
Christ is our example as He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He didn't open His mouth. (Isaiah 53:7)
Let's pray for each other that, 'He would increase, and we would decrease'(John 3:30)and that our thoughts would dwell on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely,and whatever is of good repute. (Phil.4:8)
As far as your quandary goes, we are told in Scripture to bear one another's burdens (Gal.6:2) and to encourage each other and build each other up (I Thess.5:11). We can't do these things without sharing with someone. It just doesn't have to be with tons of people but with those who love you and will make your concerns a matter of prayer between them and the Lord and no one else.
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