Peaks and Valleys

It is incredible how much better about life I feel when I get enough sleep. This weekend, for example, was mostly amazing. I got about eight hours of sleep each night, and I think that helped a lot.

Last night I was tossing and turning for a while and then awake for an hour in the middle of the night because I couldn't handle the humidity. Today I am feeling...not amazing.

Sleeplessness greatly impairs my perspective. I forget who I really am and where I really stand and start to define myself by societal labels and the imagined opinions of others. I feel all of my flaws more keenly and every thoughtless word heard or remembered cuts deeper than usual.

Thank God that today I have not been lashing out at other people. More and more, I would choose to cry at my desk instead of guarding myself with anger (a false protection and one more thing to regret later). Not that I did more than almost tear up at my desk today. Once I was out of the building, of course, it was another story. Considering I was praying for protection at work, it's interesting that I started crying almost as soon as I left the building. Thanks for holding that back until then, God.

Here are some things I was/am fighting to remember today:

I am more than a census statistic.

I am more than what I appear to be.

I am more than my feelings.

I am more than my thoughts.

I am more than any definitions imposed by others, even those who love me.

I am more than this moment, this day, this year, this lifetime.

I am more becoming less for the sake of something and someone who is.

I AM is watching over me.