[More about ESL in another post or so, Jessie. I haven’t forgotten you.]
A lively discussion on chivalry broke out in the comment section of a recent blog post that my friend Brittany wrote. (I comment as Prin there, for the record, for reasons I choose not to reveal.) Someone had told her that chivalry was dead, and that any action interpreted as chivalry should really be interpreted as "that boy wants to date me."
Whether or not the person who made that comment really meant it seriously, it bothered me a lot. I only just realized why today.
Today's Revelation
I don't know what the word "chivalry" means to everyone. To me, it means looking out for the interests of others. I refuse to believe that the only reason someone of the opposite sex would look out for my interests is because he wants to date me. To me, that makes kindness a means to an end--"if I am gracious, generous, and civil to this person, I can get what I want from her." How horrifyingly demeaning.
I choose to believe that people of both sexes can be honestly concerned about others in such a way that they would potentially inconvenience themselves by taking action for other people.
Bear in mind that this is a reaction to a perceived use of the word "chivalry," not to anyone's stated personal definition of the word. Really, I dislike the word. It seems like a bumper-sticker version of an important concept. And like the word "romance," which is another word I have problems with, it seems to have acquired a thick layer of chicanery (a word with which I am still okay).
3 comments:
I didn't want to put this in the main post, but the post format is vaguely reminiscent of Dinosaur Comics. EVEN THIS PART.
Original concept? Original connotation? Surely a student of languages is aware that language is more art than science. Language is in a constant state of flux. Favorite example of this: the word "nice." At the same time, I understand your perspective. Personally, I want the words "gay" and "queer" back.
It was less of an intentional series and more of a post that has seen sequels by request. And I haven't forgotten yours.
Interesting article, Brittany.
I still wonder, though, if opening doors and carrying boxes is misunderstood service, in that it's easy. What I mean is, I have had doors opened and chairs pulled out for me by men who have not bothered to remember my name and who have not paid attention in the past to non-verbal cues that something they have said or done has made me uncomfortable around them, or who have taken me to task for not immediately responding to them in an extrovertedly positive way. It's harder to hold your tongue when your pride has been wounded than to hold a door when someone is walking towards it, and I appreciate it more when men give me the benefit of the doubt than when they give me a hand with a box.
Is that making sense?
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