Icicle-Bane

Monday night I returned to my apartment to find that it had sprung a leak. This has happened before. In the winter, icicles build up, ice gets on my wall unit air conditioner, and (so the theory goes) this is why water seeps in through the unit into my apartment.

Being the resourceful superhero that I am, I jumped into action. Pink chair to move! Done! Towels! Done! Large bowl to catch water! Done! Shovel! Done!

"Shovel?" you may ask.

"Oh, yes," I may respond.

I covered Apollo to save him from drafts, I put my coat and my boots on to save me from pneumonia (after moving my mat so that I could step right onto that with my wet boots), and I went out onto the balcony, armed with a shovel and only ALMOST shutting the door because of the ancestral legends of the danger of being trapped out on a balcony, especially in winter. I proceeded to knock icicles off the gutter and off the air conditioner. I also shoveled my balcony. I could hear my back muscles the next day. They were asking, "Why were we used for shoveling when we live on the third floor of an apartment building?"

Last night I repeated the icicle-clearing portion of the performance. I forgot to cover Apollo, and it turns out that he was less bothered by the cold than by the sight of me out on the balcony swinging around a shovel and making things fall from the roof, all the while wearing my scary winter coat, which he knows has it in for me.

I think I got hit in the forehead by a piece of icicle. There is just a little spot where it is tender. I am rather afraid of icicles. Often the icicles over the entrances will grow to be--well, they must be at least 8 feet long and a full foot around. I always find myself wondering what would happen if they suddenly fell while I was walking into the building (I don't usually wonder about this while walking out, because I can't see them as easily then). If I ever get hit by a large icicle and die, I hope somebody sues my apartment complex for not maintaining their gutters properly and therefore being guilty of negligent homicide.