"How are you" is possibly the most awkward question in the English language. Certainly the most awkward question likely to be encountered on a regular basis. I hate that question. I want people to clarify.
Example 1: How are you? By which I mean, "Hi, I haven't seen you for a while, but I don't really care about you at all because we weren't ever really friends, so please don't answer the question unless you use a meaningless response like 'Fine.'"
Example 2: How are you? By which I mean, "I am in fact concerned about you, but only on a surface level, so I just want to make sure that no one you know has died lately and/or you aren't two seconds from suicide."
Example 3: How are you? By which I mean, "I care deeply about you as a person and I really want to know, and even if it takes you hours and you start crying while you're trying to explain, I won't be glancing at my watch and wondering why I bothered asking how you are, because I honestly do care a lot."
Without this sort of clarification, there tends to be an awkward pause while I try to decide how the questioner intended the question, and then I answer hesitantly while I ponder whether there is a difference between lying and adhering to social convention.
I need a better response to the question. Any ideas?
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3 comments:
I don't know why, but I have always somewhat naturally answered the question honestly. Maybe I'm a little sick--or sad--or whatever. I think in general I'm not paying attention to the intent behind the question.
Except sometimes when I'd rather not, in which case I answer the societally acceptable way. Is this selfish? I don't know.
I get what you're saying, however, the older I get, the more I realize how much of social interation is based on non-literal phrases. "What's Up" is not an interogative statement, it means simply, I acknowledge you. Part of negotiating this every torrent of nonsense is continually training yourself to understand what the other is trying to say, and responding appropriately. I actually think of preprogramed response ahead of time, so I can respond quickly. Many people do this fairly naturally, alas those with a strong tendency toward introspection and an interest in what is really goin on are cursed to think about it. But hey, who wants to be "Normal" anyway
The reaction to this question "How are you?" is very much related to your social-cultural background and circumcitances you are in. Mostly in western cultures this question is something ordinary and is asked because of politeness, even for the people and friends you know very well (very much like in your first example). But in the eastern societies and cultures, it is not really a question asked for politeness. The question and "the answer" is quite important. You can ask this simple question to a(ny) person and you can get all his/her life story as an answer sometimes.
But your 3 examples are quite universal I guess. I would say:
Example 1:
"How are you?"
"None of your business." (rude, but at least honest)
Example 2:
"How are you?"
"Still me."
Example 3:
"How are you?"
".. (you can fill any honest answer here).."
But generally the most real answer for all of these 3 examples would be:
"How are you?"
"I am so as you perceive me."
PS: You have a very nice blog by the way, quite a lot to read.
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