Saturday, July 17, 2010

Woman of Words

My mom can write thank you notes already, to all the people who have done and been so much for us over the past few months. It helps her, putting words on paper and crossing things off her list.

I can't even catch up on my emails. I've tried. I sit down and begin to answer correspondence and I get through a few and run into...blankness. My writing is and always has been not just part of what I do, but part of who I am. And now those words have pulled down, deep down, and the times when they have surfaced they have sometimes felt like shrapnel pulling through me.

I don't know that I want them yet.

So many people have said, "I can't imagine what you must be feeling." In the past, some have told me that when they read what I write they feel themselves there.

I don't know that I want those two things to come together.

There is a lot about my life at this time that I want and don't want to put in writing, want and don't want to share with everyone.

I'm a woman of words and at this time words are often failing me.

(If you wrote to me and expected an answer and didn't get one, this is probably why.)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is okay. if i had any authority to give you permission to be silent, i would give it. maybe you can give it to yourself, instead.
and, in being wordless, you will be with your grief, your experience, and your God in a different way, equally as true and eloquent.
rest your words. it's okay.

Anonymous said...

I love you.

one-eared pig said...

Words aren't failing you. They are doing exactly what you are doing - figuring out what comes next.