Ah, personality tests...how I love you....

Kerri posted a link to a Meyers-Briggs-type personality test. I, of course, love these things. I answered quickly so as not to get too stuck in "sometimes yes, sometimes no" overanalyzing. So here we go. This is my personality tonight (I find these things usually change...except the ones where I'm Hermione).





Your personality type:
Independent, original, analytical, and determined. Have an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action. Highly value knowledge, competence, and structure. Driven to derive meaning from their visions. Long-range thinkers. Have very high standards for their performance, and the performance of others. Natural leaders, but will follow if they trust existing leaders.



Careers that could fit you include:
Scientists, engineers, professors, teachers, medical doctors, dentists, corporate strategists, organization founders, business administrators, managers, military, lawyers, judges, computer programmers, system analysts, computer specialists, psychologists, photographers, research department managers, researchers, university instructors, chess players.






The above category used to be "Careers that could fit you includes," but of course I had to fix it. Hm. None of those careers sound interesting. So few careers do....



I came up IITJ: Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging. [Per Lisa, that should actually be INTJ. "N" for iNtuitive.] I leaned pretty strongly towards each of these, too, which is unlike my usual college results where I was fairly middle-of-the-road. Maybe this is an example of what Pastor Dale meant when he said that living alone tends to make you more and more like yourself?

And speaking of personality, just last night Lisa and I were talking about the disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us. Isn't it strange that perceptions can vary so widely? I maintain that it IS. Strange. It is strange.

ACK-tually....

Now it sounds like plans have changed and I will again be...I almost wrote "sleeping alone this Saturday." Hm. And by "again".... What I mean is that it sounds like my company will not be coming. Fortunately I did not just buy two gallons of milk, two loaves of bread, two cartons of ice cream, four boxes of cereal, four pizzas, and a jar of peanut butter specifically for the occasion. Oh, wait.... Blast.

Alas, I may not be the destination for a road trip, after all. But it was a nice thought while it lasted.

If it absolutely falls through, I will be hitting some of you locals up to come over for dinner on Friday night. Possibly also karaoke somewhere afterwards. Pencil me in?

Life is funny

There are a number of people who used to be members of my current church who have attained near legendary status by the simple expedient of moving away. In their cases, absence has indeed made hearts grow fonder. If any of these legends return, they will be swarmed with people practically falling over themselves to talk to them.

In a related subject, lots of people at my church have been there for their formative years. They grow up in the church. They marry in the church (or marry new blood into the church), and they stay in the church. This means that they have ages of in-jokes and "do you remember the time when" stories that I do not understand.

As you can tell, I have never at all felt any unreasonable sensations of being marginalized and second-rate because of any of this. Seriously, though...other than family members, I don't have any friends anywhere that I've known since I was a little kid. But this year, I realized something. I have known other people since they were kids. They are the kids of my parents' church, the church where I grew up. Kids I babysat for, kids I taught in VBS, kids who were just part of the church life. And I realized one Sunday at my parents' church, as I was hanging out in a circle talking to these kids, that this is how the "legends" of my current church must feel: not like legends, just like normal people who are happy to see others with whom they shared so much history.

This Saturday, I am hosting a sleepover for 5 to 7 teenage girls from my old church. Some of them I have known for ages, some I have known of for ages, and some I have known for a fairly short time. But when I suggested a few weeks ago that it might be fun if they came to visit me, they agreed. With enthusiasm. And I am hosting with similar enthusiasm.

It's an encouraging, endearing, and laughably enjoyable thing to be the destination of a road trip. I'm excited.

Also, getting 8 women ready for church in the morning in a one bathroom apartment should be interesting.

Abba! Father!

The weight of the world and its people
proving their rights and righteousness
their position and power
striving
contending
crushing
falling
rising to cycle through again
Oh, father, lead me past my experience
bring me in to your life
break my heart as yours breaks
stretch me for the world
you stretched yourself for
save and heal
save and heal
Oh, father, how long?

Schedule Conflicts

No, this isn't about over-booking, although I had a major blow-up in my life over that last weekend. I have managed NOT to double-book since...well...last weekend. (You have to start somewhere.)

Here's what is bothering me about schedule conflicts now: too many people with too much busyness in their lives. This includes me. I don't like having to whip out a planner and book somebody for four weeks down the road. I don't like "booking somebody" at all, if it comes to that. (This may come as a shock to almost everybody who knows me.)

I'd rather not work around everybody's employment schedules, and other friends, and previous commitments. I'd rather just be there, without thinking about it so much. I'd rather life didn't work as hard as it does to keep us all apart.

Tonight I think that part of the joy of heaven will be not having to "find time" for anything, or anyone. There will be an infinite amount of time to enjoy God and to enjoy each other, creations of God that we are. And the whole family will be there, and nobody will ever be too busy ever again, and we will always have time for each other, without having to fight for it as we must now. It will be a restful, exciting, glorious place.

Shall we plan on meeting there in a few years?

Is it something in the water in Brooklyn?

Yesterday I went to my cousin's son's first birthday party. The following is a snippet of the conversation that took place almost immediately after I sat down at a table next to my great-aunt Irene.

Aunt Irene: How are you?

Me: Doing good.

Aunt Irene: Are you married yet?

Me: ["oh, Aunt Irene" laugh] No.

Aunt Irene: Are you seeing anybody?

Me: No.

Aunt Irene: Are there any fellas at your church you might be...?

Me: What is it with you Brooklyners?

Aunt Irene: You're wasting time....

Seriously. Between my church grandma Rosemary and my Aunt Irene.... Actually, I don't even know how to finish that sentence. Those women make me laugh and roll my eyes at the same time.

Surprised by Grace...if grace is out there....

No matter how many times I am shown grace, I have difficulty really believing in it. I do really stupid things, and intentionally mean things, and just plain careless things. I make promises too swiftly, then break them. I condemn people for being rude to me on the phone. I speak first and think later. I obsess over my own problems. (Count the "I's" in this paragraph alone.)

Maybe (maybe) God won't cut me off, but that's because he's God. Your parents aren't allowed to disown you, and God is the greater father, so...he CAN'T cut you off, right? But friends, and co-workers, and strangers? Those people can turn on you in a second, and be completely justified in doing so.

"If I were You-Know-Who," muses Luna Lovegood of the arch-villain in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, "I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. 'Cause if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat."

Which just reminds me that Satan doesn't believe in an overcoming grace, either.

It's hatefully messy here, horribly easy to hurt and to be hurt. But can we really love without diving into the mess? Can we really love when we focus our attention so intently on our failures that they seem insurmountable? Can we really love without believing in grace?

The list of reasons I have to despise myself is long, but God is at work, granting patience, forbearance, perspective, and wisdom. God shows me a grace that is greater than all my sins...and I have often seen that grace manifested through people I have wronged, intentionally and unintentionally. Because God is not only at work in me.

I believe in grace. Lord, help my unbelief.