A local parable

Last Sunday I looked for my favorite spring "church coat" only to find that it was not in my closet. This was distressing, as I had been away the previous Sunday and therefore had not had the opportunity to see if my coat was at church then. After checking my closet repeatedly to be sure I wasn't just missing something, I decided to demonstrate my faith that the coat would still be hanging up at church by not wearing another coat to church that morning. I was cold that Sunday, a coldness that saddened me because it reminded me of my carelessness with my personal possessions, a coldness that reminded me of every person, place, and thing I had ever lost in all of my life. (A physics major would probably have shrugged all of this off and picked out one of the other coats in the closet.)

I sent emails to several people, including the church secretary, inquiring about the coat. The secretary sent an email to everyone on the mailing list. The one response put forth a theory I had dreaded: my coat had quite probably been donated to a thrift store. My church meets in a school, and the school's semi-annual donation to its thrift store of choice had taken place recently.

Anger mixed with sadness as I railed against the donation system as well as my own ability to keep track of my belongings. I mourned the coat, which had once belonged to my mother and as such had sentimental value beyond the sentimental value I assign to virtually everything I own.

I called the school and took down the name and address of the thrift store. I drove there after work to find that it wasn't open late enough on Tuesdays or Wednesdays to enable me to make it out there. Disappointed, I left my car running and walked right up to the windows, peering inside at a rack of coats near the window in a vain attempt to locate mine.

Tonight I tried again. "You're really desperate over this," my brother said jokingly, but if I had left any stone unturned I would always have wondered what could have been.

Also, I wouldn't have found my coat.

YES!

The coat was there! Not on the rack that was visible through the window, the rack in the "boutique" section, but with the more humble coats towards the back of the store. The women at the cash register let me have it back for free because I had "donated" it.

As I drove home, secure in the presence of my coat on the seat beside me, one sentence kept running through my head: "Rejoice with me, for I have found my coat which was lost!"

"In the same way, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." – Luke 15:10

No, gracias....

I called a bank this afternoon. In trying to navigate one of those labyrinthine automated phone messages, I encountered the following option: "If you would like to send money to Mexico…."

What? What's Mexico done for me lately? Mexico never even remembers my birthday!

In Commemoration

Five years ago, on a day that was warmer than today has been thus far, I walked down an aisle wearing a black robe and a black hat. The walk (and the receipt of the folder which did not yet contain my diploma) was a bit anticlimactic, but the masking-taped slogan on the hat helped to make up for it: "MEN FOR SALE."

Happy five-year graduation anniversary, class of 2001!

It is good!

Do you ever consider your own work—writing, knitting, performing, etc.—and find yourself amazed? You know that it is good, and you want somebody to share it with, not out of pride, but out of the joy that is the creation of a good thing.

Tonight I was reading over some poems I wrote in the past weeks, and I came across one I had forgotten. (Yes, I forget things I've written. Some do.) I read the poem and appreciated it almost as though I hadn't written it. It was interesting to feel that this work was so much mine, and yet had such a life of its own.

It started me thinking—this "it is good" feeling must be a pale reflection of the pure joy God took in His creation, and the delight He takes in it even now, fallen though it is. It also made me think that this might be a way to think of the question of free will and predestination, because when I write something it takes on a life of its own, and yet I am still the one writing. Strange! (Thankfully, there is never a work of God that He forgets and surprises Himself with later. "Oh, right, Suzanne! I wonder what she's been up to?")

When theologians say that God delights in Himself, and not in a prideful way, this is what they mean: that God delights in His love, and mercy, and creativity, and because He delights in them He wants to share them with us. Because they are good things, and because He is good.

That sent shivers down my spine tonight, and so that was something I wanted to share with you.

Parody Hilarity

Current Favorite Parody Site: www.fiveminute.net/smallville/

This is a subsite of Five-Minute Voyager. This site has lots of different science fiction "fivers" (brief parodies), from Minority Report to Star Trek to Smallville to Final Fantasy (yes, the computer games). It's great. I want to do this for a living. Oh, but these people probably don't live on this. Hm. Too bad, since that one time a friend and I did a Smorgified version of The Importance of Being Earnest proved that writing these things is at least as fun as reading them.

Highlights from recent Smallville fivers:

Chloe: You know, honestly I don't think I'd win. You'd be mad at me if I did tell you, and you'd be mad if I didn't.
Clark: You think I get mad at you? That makes me ANGRY!

Lois: So why do I always pick the homicidal maniacs for boyfriends?
Ma Kent: Probably because you're stupid. Look, when I was your age, I had some real losers for boyfriends, but --
Lois: I know, I know. You had to date the bad ones to know the good ones and so I just need to stick with it and try to find the Right One™.
Ma Kent: Actually I was going to say, "but none of them were even close to homicidal."

Lex: I don't trust you, so let's have one of those verbal chess match thingies.
Fine: It'll end with me saying "Go on up, baldy!" and you breaking down into tears, so let's just skip that, okay?

Seriously, any parody that includes a reference to one of the less familiar stories of Elisha? Triple the coolness points.

Kiss me, I’m ignorant! (And proud of it!)

This morning two of my co-workers were complaining about the stupid president interrupting their programs with his stupid speech, and how first he did it with the finale of Friends and now he was going to do it with Gray’s Anatomy, and doesn’t he watch TV?

As Bruce Willis would say, somebody call the wahhhmbulance. Like the president or not, watch his speeches or not, going on like this is essentially saying, “I’m an American—I’m politically uninformed and entertainment saturated and if you disrupt my cushy little life you may feel my wrath, which is more likely to come against you for disrupting my TV schedule than for any of your so-called ‘policies,’ whatever they may be.”

Which all goes to say: Don't parade your ignorance for all to see.

Ads don't age well....

My brother loaned me his CD's of "The Amazing Spiderman." All the comic books from 1963 through 1989 are on these. The ads alone are worth reading, with their get-rich-quick schemes and personal improvement plans. They're sort of pathetically hilarious—in about 40 years we'll be looking at internet forwards in the same way. Wait, we already do.

Here is an example of the ads from 1963 (actually, it's an inset in a larger ad about a body-building program):

FREE! 'Secrets of Attracting Girls'!

Fellows! Mail the coupon now, and receive Mike Marvel's FREE GIFT to you, this exciting and informative book. Discover a secret method for developing a new, almost MAGNETIC way of attracting the girls. At parties, dances, at the beach—you will have the girls clustering around you breathlessly, while the guys watch enviously. "What does HE have that WE don't?" they will say. The answer is in this exciting new book, your GIFT from Mike Marvel. Fill out and mail the coupon NOW!

Awww!

"I still have the picture of you, Rebekah, Dave, Morgan, Bram, Becky, Ryan, and Beth on the wall in my office." -- Michael Page

Yay, Advanced Acting class....