Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Just because he looks like a mild-mannered reporter....

So here we are at the gas station, on the way back to my office after lunch. I am making Jeremiah talk to me while I am standing at the pump, because pumping gas is the Most Boring Thing Ever.

From my point of view:

Voice: *mumblemumblemumble*
Jeremiah: No, I can't do that.
Voice: *mumblemumble*
Jeremiah: Well, I'm gonna be gone in...[looks at the pump to see how much gas is already in the tank]...one minute, so no.
Voice: *mumble*
Jeremiah: I already told you no. [shrugs] Sorry.

This whole time, I am wondering who Jeremiah is talking to (but I stayed hidden behind the pump 'cause I'm a wus), and if they have weapons, and if they are about to break the weapons out, and if Jeremiah will have to use his martial arts training. (He holds the rank of second-degree black belt in TaeKwon-Do.) After the conversation is over, I see two teenagers walking away.

Jeremiah: Well, that's never happened before....

From Jeremiah's point of view:

Jeremiah: I saw two guys walking right towards me, and I switched on. I didn't know what I was going to have to do....

Teenager #1: Hey, can you run inside and pick me up a single malt?
Jeremiah: No, I can't do that.
Teenager #1: Wouldn't take you two minutes.
Jeremiah: Well, I'm gonna be gone in...[looks at the pump to see how much gas is already in the tank]...one minute, so no.
Teenager #1: Come on.
Jeremiah: I already told you no. [shrugs] Sorry.

This whole time, while Teenager #2 is looking shifty, as if he didn't expect the plan to work at all, Teenager #1 is trying to intimidate Jeremiah by not breaking eye contact. (Amanda, after hearing the story: Of all the people to try that with....) Jeremiah, of course, is staring right back at him. (Jeremiah, in his head: Two can play this.)

Back in the car, Jeremiah expresses his disappointment at not getting the opportunity to beat someone up....

Jeremiah: That was a rush. That was the closest I've ever come to having to use what I've learned. [pulls down the visor and opens the mirror] Do I look 21?

(Melissa, having heard the story: Um, no offense, but, no.
Amanda: He was the wrong person to ask on so many levels!)

All in all, it was the most exciting fuel purchase I ever made.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The year draws to its close

For the past few Christmas seasons, I've thought I should send out one of those Christmas letters, or at least cards. Yeah. Still working on that. It turns out I have writer's block when it comes to updates. Also, it has been a crucible year, and I'm still too close to everything to put it all in perspective.

Almost. Because this is the perspective I do have: God has proven Himself again to be, as the hymn says, the joy that seekest me through pain. I can rail against His methods, but He knows what is best for me and what will bring the most glory to Himself, and I would not choose the easier, emptier way.

Abraham and Sarah spent years childless after being promised a son. The Israelites spent years in captivity after being promised a nation. David spent years running from Saul after being promised a kingdom. The world spent centuries waiting after being promised a redeemer. The son was born; the nation was founded; the kingdom was established; the Redeemer lives.

"How goes the world?"
"The world goes not well."
"But the Kingdom comes."


Hallelujah. May it be to me as You have said.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Work Wisdom

(Perhaps this post should be subtitled: You can come up with good analogies anywhere. But then I have analogies for just about every situation for which I have a theory, which is for just about every situation for which I have a quote, which is just about every situation.)



  • In the filing system of life, it’s always easier if you just spell it out.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Musing on infants

Jessie just posted about meeting a friend's baby. She posted a series of pictures.

It's amazing to think that once we were that small. At this time of year, of course, my thoughts turn more readily to the birth of Christ. If it's strange to think of ME once being that small (and I'm not all that large now), it's even stranger to think of Jesus being small. He who had seen the creation of the entire world opened His infant eyes for the first time to see a stable. He who could not even lift His own head had come to lift up our heads. He who couldn't do even one thing for Himself came to do everything for us.

Someday we'll be able to live in the glory of that knowledge always, instead of pushing it aside because it's too wonderful for us to comprehend every second of the here and now.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Grazing Day

Today is one of our semi-annual "grazing days" here at work. Everybody brings food and we all gorge ourselves all day long. We leave feeling bad about ourselves but good about the tasty food. Mmmm...hypocrisy....

What I've eaten so far today:
  • A bowl of Cheerios (I always forget just how much food there is going to be here)
  • A piece of coffee cake
  • A handful of Chex Mix
  • A few handfuls of bell pepper slices, some with dip
  • A few cucumber slices, some with dip
  • A few Ranch-flavored Wheat Thins
  • A few Multi-Grain Wheat Thins with a garlic cheese spread
  • 10-15 cocktail sausages
  • A small piece of brownie
  • A small piece of a chocolate chip/butterscotch/graham cracker dessert


And, yes, all this before 1:00 in the afternoon. I'm sure the eating will continue.

What I am bringing to the Christmas party I'm attending tonight:

  • A sour cream coffee cake
  • A...sugar thingy with a name I can't remember
  • Chocolate-covered figs
  • A loaf of cranberry pecan bread

What all of this means:

  • Holy indigestion, Batman!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The next thing: Why fear the future when the future belongs only to God? | by Andree Seu (Dec. 3, 2005)

I bagged rice on a co-op line elbow-to-elbow with a peaceful woman who was the mother of five children and several foster children, and was involved in the pro-life movement. I asked how she did it, and to her credit she didn't brush off the question with feigned modesty, but said, "I do the next thing that needs to be done."

I have pondered that statement for years, the distillation of a lady's life of wisdom. Laurie is a Christian, so I know what lay unspoken in her answer: God is sovereign, and God is good. Indeed, it cannot be otherwise if one would simply "do the next thing that needs to be done."

First, if God were not in perfect control, Laurie would have to control all things, even every atom in the universe, to assure a desirable outcome. But she knows she cannot in fact control all things, not even the next two minutes, and so she concedes control to Him.

Second, she believes that the God who controls all things controls them for her good (Romans 8:28). On these twin pillars does her soul find rest.Laurie's Bible also contains commands, rules to live by. And so, what Laurie has done, evidently, is to divide life into two categories: the things she can and must do something about, and the things she cannot and must not, for they belong to God (Deuteronomy 29:29).

Mary the mother of Jesus was hep to that division of labor. She "did the next thing" during an awkward wedding moment. Being lousy at making water into wine, she turned to her Son and said, "They have no wine," then went on her merry way to do whatever it was she was able to do herself—folding tablecloths or stalling thirsty guests. Jesus, not one to turn down people who come to Him for help while acknowledging their own helplessness, performed the harder part.

Am I too busy these days? Discouraged over duties left undone? I will preach to myself that there is only one priority—the glory of God—and under that the several duties. When these come flying fast and thick, I will do triage and decide what should come "next." It's God's problem, not mine, to orchestrate the universe and make it all pan out.

Am I fearful? Fear is a focus on phantoms of the theoretical future. But the future is God's, not mine; mine is only the present moment. I am fearful because I'm thinking I have to live the rest of my life. But I don't. I only have to live the next five minutes. To me belongs obedience; to Him belongs outcomes.

We have so far discussed in general terms. But life does not throw up "general terms"; it throws up brutal concreteness: No one's been fed dinner; Aimee is having a sixth-grade crisis; the roof leaks; unread newspapers pile up like an indictment. I will review what I know of God, and do "the next thing." His job is making it all work.

Am I depressed? The concept of doing "the next thing" is just the ticket. Granted, I am far too weak to go on with life—but I can do a load of laundry. And after that I can make the kids breakfast. And after that I can pick up the phone and call a deacon for help on balancing that checkbook. One foot in front of the other: Do "the next thing."

Have I totally messed up my life? Fine, make a list. Here are the things I cannot do: I cannot turn back the clock, I cannot cork up sinful words once spoken, I cannot take back squandered opportunities in career or love. But here are things I can do: I can start from today—with today's time, today's skills, today's health, today's grace. I can do this trusting, even at this stage of the game, that God is still sovereign and still good. And faith, come to think of it, is the whole enchilada.

The lady at the co-op was a well-placed prophet. And said it more succinctly than this writer could.

Copyright © 2005 WORLD Magazine December 17, 2005, Vol. 20, No. 49
http://www.worldmag.com/subscriber/

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Long set-up to the quote of the day

At work we were talking about fundraisers involving bread, and how you could just buy a loaf and rip chunks off it and eat it like that, and the following conversation ensued.

Me: It’s like you’re reverting back to Anglo-Saxons or something.

Les: A loaf of bread in one hand, a drumstick in the other, I’m all set.

Tobin: Dragging your wife around by the hair....

Me: I think you’re going a little too far back.

Tobin: Hey, you have the perfect length of hair for that!

Me: *“watch it” glare*

And here it is, the Quote of the Day:

Tobin: You need to get yourself an Anglo-Saxon!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Icicle-Bane

Monday night I returned to my apartment to find that it had sprung a leak. This has happened before. In the winter, icicles build up, ice gets on my wall unit air conditioner, and (so the theory goes) this is why water seeps in through the unit into my apartment.

Being the resourceful superhero that I am, I jumped into action. Pink chair to move! Done! Towels! Done! Large bowl to catch water! Done! Shovel! Done!

"Shovel?" you may ask.

"Oh, yes," I may respond.

I covered Apollo to save him from drafts, I put my coat and my boots on to save me from pneumonia (after moving my mat so that I could step right onto that with my wet boots), and I went out onto the balcony, armed with a shovel and only ALMOST shutting the door because of the ancestral legends of the danger of being trapped out on a balcony, especially in winter. I proceeded to knock icicles off the gutter and off the air conditioner. I also shoveled my balcony. I could hear my back muscles the next day. They were asking, "Why were we used for shoveling when we live on the third floor of an apartment building?"

Last night I repeated the icicle-clearing portion of the performance. I forgot to cover Apollo, and it turns out that he was less bothered by the cold than by the sight of me out on the balcony swinging around a shovel and making things fall from the roof, all the while wearing my scary winter coat, which he knows has it in for me.

I think I got hit in the forehead by a piece of icicle. There is just a little spot where it is tender. I am rather afraid of icicles. Often the icicles over the entrances will grow to be--well, they must be at least 8 feet long and a full foot around. I always find myself wondering what would happen if they suddenly fell while I was walking into the building (I don't usually wonder about this while walking out, because I can't see them as easily then). If I ever get hit by a large icicle and die, I hope somebody sues my apartment complex for not maintaining their gutters properly and therefore being guilty of negligent homicide.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Current favorite TV show: Smallville

Current favorite relationship: Clark Kent & Lois Lane

Current favorite quote related to the above:

Lois: I'm glad you made the team, Clark, but why be a conformist? At least with the whole farm boy plaid thing, as lame as it is, it completely belongs to you.

*pause*

Clark: In the future, let's restrict our conversations to "hello" and "goodbye."