Survey says....

"You are a Hermione at heart! You are obviously smart and sophisticated...but you tend to get a little annoying at times. I would put down the books for a little while and get out more!"
-- The Ultimate Harry Potter Character Quiz









-- Which HP Kid Are You?










-- Who Are You in the Harry Potter or Hogwarts Universe?














-- Harry Potter Personality Test










-- Which Harry Potter Character Are You?



I fear that perhaps I am going to drive my fellow European travellers nutters before we even meet up.

God helps those who can't help themselves

Yesterday afternoon I received a message with a strange injunction: "Allow the God-appointed powers time to do their work." Where such a message could easily have been followed up with a call to action, this was a call to prayer, which is a call to recognize that our actions are not, in and of themselves, of ultimate significance.

There is a part of me that hates that. It's the part of me that wants to be in control, that doesn't think God knows what He's up to, that wonders how much good my pathetic little prayers could accomplish, or that wonders why my exquisitely worded prayers don't accomplish more.

I listened to the other part of me as I turned my energies towards prayer today, the part of me astounded and humbled and excited about the notion of God-ordained powers. Prayer is numbered among the God-ordained powers. Whether they are long or short, whether they flow swiftly or drag along torturously, whether or not the vocabulary is formal, they all go through the same person, who has become the holy veil for us, simultaneously mediating for us and ushering us into the presence of God.

My prayers, joined with those of hundreds of others, have been heard. Good has come out of an evil situation. Also, things went really well at my office today. I don't think this is a coincidence.

The part of me that hates to be subservient to another rushes to find "scientific explanations" for all of these things. To get me off the hook from praying, I guess, under the guise of keeping myself humble. But a deeper part of me knows that God is working in the world. That somehow, as Charlotte Brontë wrote, "God, who does the work, ordains the instrument." And that out of His mercy, God has appointed me to join His orchestra.

Bless the Lord, o my soul,

and all that is within me

bless His holy name.

He has done great things.

England and parts east

I'm heading out to England, France (well, Paris), and Austria this summer with my friend Kerri and her friend Angie and maybe some other people. Any must-see suggestions for our intrepid group of travelers?

Juxtaposition

The other night I was watching the news at the gym, and there were two big stories:

1) The gunman in Virginia
2) The Supreme Court decision to uphold a partial birth abortion ban

The focus in reporting on the first was on the madness of this kid who somehow thought that he had the right to determine who was fit to live.

The focus in reporting on the second was on the madness of groups who said that killing a child--oh, wait, fetus--halfway delivered should not happen.

Most of the people I heard talking about the court case were upset, saying that this could lead to further bans. And one person said something like, "Well, this just means the fetus will have to be dismembered inside the mother, which is dangerous for the patient."

The difference between what happened at Virginia Tech and what happens in clinics across the country must be that life experience grants you the right to expect that there are safe environments in which people will not kill you. Which explains why we value our elderly so much, right? The cumulation of life experience?

In the reporting on the Supreme Court decision, some people were expressing concerns over having women required to view ultrasounds or learn more about the abortion process before going through with it. Isn't that a championing of uninformed choice? Or the right to choose what a somebody tells you to choose? Are they afraid that the women might think, "That looks like a baby...a human baby. I can't kill it!"

If that's so, given what happened last Monday, they don't have grounds to get too concerned.

Greater is He

After another horrific event, the usual shock is setting in amongst my fellow Americans. The usual rounds of "How could somebody do this?" are beginning.

It's possibly more horrific that some of us, myself included, are jaded to all this. I expect war, and tragedy, and murder. Some people believe in the basic goodness of people, in the face of evidence like this. Like Anne Frank, they believe that people are good even when they are faced with evil in one of its most purely obvious forms. I, on the other hand, often believe in the overwhelming power of the wickedness of people, even in the face of God.

I believe in the Fall. I'm surrounded by its evidence, and I don't have to look to a campus in Virginia for that evidence. I see it in my preference for the comfort of solitude over the messiness of community. I see it in my quick scorn for those who cross me, even accidentally. I see it in the way I judge my self-worth by others. I see it in my readiness to cede ground to the devil--in a land increasingly devoted to the pursuit of what feels right at the time, what's another school shooting? Can't we expect that's going to happen more and more?

It is only the sustaining hand of God, I say, that keeps me from doing just what that student did today. And although I don't know where it ranks alongside mass murder, I know the casual hatred for others I feel spring up in my heart all too often is called murder, and it is odious in the sight of God.

I know it is by the Lord's mercy we are not consumed. I am not surprised when I witness, in myself or others, the evidence that we need every bit of that mercy.

This is what amazes me--that in the face of all the evil in the world, and even in His people, He has not consumed us. "His compassions fail not. They are new every morning." Great is His faithfulness.

Wickedness shows us we need drastic measures to be saved.

Christ shows us there is a God who is willing to take those measures to save us.

How could something like this tragedy happen? How could it not, on this side of heaven? But remember and believe: this side is not all there is.

Wait, what?

One of the many convenient features of the Consumers Energy website: reporting a power outage.

It's been a very revealing two weeks

In the past two weeks, I learned/relearned:

• I can write a plot outline and follow it through to completion
• Critiques from others can be useful
• Critiques from others do not have to be taken as ultimate truth
• I would love to write and be paid for it--not millions of dollars by any means, just enough so all I would have to do to support myself was write
• I can be a glory hog...gotta watch out for this one

And I learned all this writing and posting fanfiction. Who says it's just a silly hobby? (Oh, wait, I know who.... But I learned I don't have to be ruled by critiques OR critics, and so I choose not to be.)

Another thing I learned, on a different note, is that there is at least one real person out there with the last name of Wronski. Anyone else recognize the significance of this last name?

Picking Favorites

I am in a fanfiction contest in which one of the prizes is a shirt printed with a quote from the fanfic author's work. So now I am in a position to pick a favorite quote...from myself. My poor little brain is going into overdrive on this one. I'm reading through all my web-published fics to find candidates.

If anybody who has read my fanfiction has a favorite quote from them, now's your time to tell me. ;)

Who'd have ever thought that this could be?

Kindred spirits turn out to be not so rare as I thought before I gave them a chance. I've found over the past several months that the more I release my expectations and preconceived notions of people, the more I'm able to enjoy them as the people they are. I've had a series of extremely enjoyable experiences in that regard, and I expect that I will have many more as I practice appreciating the people who are in front of me and letting the people I invented stay confined to fiction.

Sanctification must be a work of God, because this has been a sea change.

So this is what this feels like....

Once I thought sports fans got way too worked up about something that had nothing to do with their actual lives. For instance, my roommate Kerri would feel down for hours after a major Red Wings loss. I would wonder how people could get that involved in something they had no part in.

Tonight I woke up (metaphorically speaking) because I realized that I am feeling all emotionally distraught because...well...Kate! Sawyer! Come on! What about Jack? The poor guy!

Turns out I've been getting emotionally involved in things that have "nothing to do with me" for a long, long time. And they really are important. Somehow. To me.

To everyone who is into sports: I get it more now.

To Kerri in particular: I'm glad we also have major overlap areas. The words "Harry Potter" come to mind....

Unleashing My Inner Techie

I hooked up my DSL modem on my own.

Also, I duct-taped a couple phone jack pieces that had snapped, and now it works. That's not the only jury-rigged solution I've come up in my years of doing things on my own. Seriously, I'm like MacGyver.

Now my internet connection is so fast I think I'm going to succumb to another round of internet addiction. At least until I finish watching back episodes of Lost and Ask a Ninja and stuff like that.

This Week in (my) History

Last Thursday, I signed up for a basic DSL package. My decision to go DSL, while largely motivated by my recent infatuation with Lost and desire to catch up on it so I can start watching episodes the week they air, was reinforced by the fact that it took me about an hour and a half to investigate and sign up for this package, even though I was already pretty sure that I wanted it. Ah, 56 Kbps modem...you have served me well. So I'll be getting my shiny new modem soon, and my friend Brittany will come install it, all for the thanks of a grateful nation. (Also, I will buy her dinner or something, because she will have earned it for being my hero of the week.) And after all the signing up, I got a little note saying I would be getting my dialup service for free from now on since dialup is included with the DSL package. This means I'll be spending about $13 less per month than anticipated.

Friday night was the youth group Valentine's banquet at my church. (Yes, they moved the Valentine's banquet to March.) I was not freaking out or anxious. This actually concerned me a bit. I wondered if maybe I had just given up and become apathetic. But it occurred to me that perhaps this is just what patience and peace feel like--praise God for spiritual growth! Not that there weren't moments of frenetic energy. Perhaps understandably, since "frenetic" has connotations of insanity, frenetic energy concerns some people. I got a few "It's okay! It's all gonna work out!" comments. I, however, was "Let's do this" mode, putting the pre-show adrenaline to good use, and generally enjoying myself while bustling about like someone a step away from sanity. I love that rush just before a show in which you feel that anything is possible and that any problems can be fixed as long as you can spot them first. The kids did a great job, and I was proud of them all.

After the banquet, I joined some people who were going bowling. My previous high in a bowling game was 112, a high set over 10 years ago when I was in a homeschool bowling league bowling two games every week for about two years. Friday night I scored a 145. It was like being in an alternate reality. I asked a friend to ask me a math question, but he just laughed, so I'll never know for sure whether or not it was an alternate reality. I would suspect not, though. Star Trek has taught me that in alternate realities, for starters, people usually dress differently and have different facial hair. Such was not the case Friday night.

Saturday I hung out at a bookstore with a friend I haven't talked with for a long time.

Sunday I played Memory with two kids from Somalia whose only English displayed during the game was pretty much "You" (your turn), "Go" (it's your turn), "Susa" (no, don't go yet, it's Suzanne's turn), and "Me?" (is it my turn yet?). I think that was the most relaxed they've been the whole time I've worked with them. And, actually, the most communicative. At one point, the girl looked at me and started speaking before realizing she was speaking Somali and I didn't know it. Even if she couldn't remember the English then, I appreciated that she wanted to tell me something. Of course, at another point, she was shooting me little glances and whispering something to her brother. I never know whether or not to be nervous in those cases. For instance, when they first heard my name and were trying it out on their own tongues, they couldn't stop laughing....

DSL and saving money on it.

A banquet with no breakdowns and a lot of peace and joy.

A best-ever bowling game.

A good long talk with a friend.

Smiles and camaraderie from across a language barrier.

In the last several days I've seen God's blessings showing up all over the place.

Note to fans of Tolkien, and/or me

I will be having a poem published in the Minas Tirith Evening-Star, the journal of the American Tolkien Society.

How. Cool. Is that???

I feel celebratory.

What is this feeling?

It's not sudden, but it is new, and I am savoring it.

Next week is Valentine's Day.

And I'm okay with that.

This is nothing less than a sea change in my perception of the holiday. In the past, a post on Valentine's Day would involve withering social commentary on the degredation of relationship, the shallow simperings of what our culture calls romance, and the undue pressures on single people to believe that they are less than okay on their own.

What has changed? Several things, but mostly it's that I've decided to live honestly. It's amazing how many things cease to be problems when you're just honest with yourself about their existence and stop trying to live up to some wacked ideal you made up.

In the past, I did feel on some level (though I didn't acknowledge this honestly to myself until a few months ago) that I was failing by not living up to the American/Family/Church/Whoever's Dream of marriage and children. I got mad at other people, mad at myself, mad at Valentine's Day, etc. A friend of mine once told me that anger is a masking emotion--that when you're angry, you should stop and examine what's really going on. Well, fear of failure on the level I was experiencing it (i.e. failure as anything ever going anything other than how I thought it should) is a pretty big thing to mask, so no wonder there was a lot of anger.

Now that I'm being honest about what I was hiding, I am able to address it and to bring all the voices in my head into a steady coexistence. It goes something like this:

Voice #1: I'm a failure for not dating.
Voice #2: No, I'm not. That's stupid sentimental trash. In fact, I'm actually a failure for feeling like a failure.
Voice #3: I'm afraid of commitment.
Voice #1: No guys like me.
Voice #2: Who needs them?
Voice #3: All kinds of guys like me. And if I were dating any of them, there would probably be temptations to exclude other people, and also probably a lot of talking about The Relationship. As it is, any and all of my guy friends and I can have detailed conversations about the relational complications on, say, The Office or Smallville.
Voice #1: I guess I do like that better.
Voice #2: You know what I like? Episodes without Lana angst.
Voice #3: Oh, I so know what you're talking about....

And in such a way is mystical oneness achieved.

I like being honest with me.

Outrage of the Day

When I renew my license plate this year, they’re going to force me to get a NEW license plate. I like the blue with the white letters. A lot. This is the plate of my entire life, and now they are taking it away from me because they say blue on white is easier to read.

(See, Brittany, life is difficult even after college.)

It’s a good thing I found out about this now. I have 5 months to get used to the idea. And to prep my brain for remembering a new plate number.

Speaking of which, one of the first things I asked my boss when he told us his Secretary of State woes was “Am I going to have to have a new license plate number, too?”

“Noooo,” he said. “They’ll just flip through their files and find out which one you have. Or maybe they can make you one just like it.”

“Right,” I said. “Retract stupid question.”

Then he emailed me later with this:

I just emailed the secretary of state to ask her if you could get the same license plate number when you come in to renew your tabs later in the year. She said that she can’t make any promises but told me to tell you to pay a visit to Rocko Scarcello in cell block # 9 at the Jackson state prison, he might be able to help you out.

Anyway (Martina McBride)

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing

one storm can come and blow it all away

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know

it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

~~~

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good

And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

~~~

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will

be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons,

and in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love 'em anyway

~~~

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good

And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

~~~

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that

tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

~~~

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."

Today I made a call for work and heard that I had reached an office in Stamford, Connecticut.

If the guy who picked up after that had been named Andy, I might have lost it.

"Are you a cast member of any popular prime-time sitcoms?"

Today I received the following survey:

Subject: Love in the Leasing Office: Apartments.com Survey

---------------------------------
Apartments.com -

What Renters Want

Apartments.com wants to know what renters want! To find out, we'd like to get your opinion on various topics that are important to renters. This month, to help celebrate Valentines Day, Apartments.com wants to know the juicy details of your love life as a renter.

Click the link below to answer a survey on "love in the leasing office." Answer questions like:

Have you ever dated someone that lived in your apartment building?

If you did, how did that relationship work out?

Have you ever had a crush on someone that worked in your building?

Your feedback is valuable! As a special thank you for completing this survey, we'll send you the results so that you can get a glimpse into the love life of other renters.

Thank you for your time and feedback!
-Your Friends at Apartments.com




First, and least importantly...shouldn't the first question say “someone who lived in your apartment building”?

The whole thing has a “check yes or no” flavor to it. It’s like they’re sending the survey because a friend of a friend thinks you’re cute and wants to know if you think he’s cute, and maybe you could go out for pizza sometime.

"I believe that it's going to be alright"

Tonight I went to a Sara Groves concert, and it was at my church, of all crazy places, and I bought two CD's, and I had one signed, and I got to meet Sara and shake her hand and thank her for her music, which has been so powerful in my life this past year, and, and, and, and.... I'm still geeking out.

If you have not yet heard the music of Sara Groves, give it a try. If you do not like singer-songwriter piano-playing types, at least look up some of her lyrics online. They are so rich in heart and truth. I have been quoting from Add to the Beauty for some time now.

I love her music because it inspires me not to settle for the ordinary, comfortable things. It reminds me that God's love is strong and effective, that God uses people (including the annoying people in my life and my own annoying self), that trials are temporary and grace is eternal. And now she reminds me of Breakthrough, too (now that I know that she was the one singing "Painting Pictures of Egypt," the one oft-played song at Breakthrough Training that I still wanted to hear again after the weekend was over). Together, they remind me that vulnerability may be scary and difficult, but that it is honest and alive and Christ-like in a way that personal fortress-building isn't.

In the past year or so, God has used Sara's words, and God has used Breakthrough, and God has shown His grace to me in so many ways and through so many people and circumstances. I have come up against things I was holding onto in my heart that were poisoning me and injuring my relationships with others. It hurt something awful, at times, but I'm so thankful He confronted me with truth—and that it is true that all things work to the glory of God, for the good of His people who love Him. I'm thankful for the ongoing process of confrontation. It may be difficult, and it may hurt, but as Sara Groves sings, "I can't remember a trial or pain he did not recycle to bring me gain."

Door #2

I confess. There are times when I do not care about you. Not as much as I care about who could be calling me on the phone (cell or otherwise).

Why am I a slave to a telephone ring? Is it because I think someone is calling with a revolutionary bit of information, something I need to know right away? And really, isn’t any information of that sort usually also the kind of information you really wish you had never had to hear in the first place?

Or is it that maybe that person will have something wittier to say than you will, or will be more willing to listen to me talk about myself, or will ask some question that shows they care about me more than you do?

While we’re on the subject, do I hate making phone calls because I don’t want to put people out, or because I’m afraid they will choose Door #3?

Goals for this year:

• Cut back on answering the phone when real people are right with me—especially since I have an answering machine for my land line and voicemail for my cell phone, and that’s sort of the point of having them. So I don’t have to answer the phone, but people can still tell me what they need/want to tell me.
• Make telephone calls with confidence.
• Whether in person or on the phone, grant others the honor of my full presence.