Something new

I was just listening to a little BNL, which I'll leave abbreviated in case sensitive eyes read this, and thinking about how if I ever get married it will be to somebody who enjoys goofy songs sometimes, and how ridiculously terrific we would be, because anybody who marries me will necessarily be half of the most terrific couple ever, and I realized.... This is new.

Not me thinking about potential marriage in my future, but the way I've been thinking about it lately. (I know I've been writing a lot about this topic lately. It loomed large in my life in 2008 and I'm still sorting through what I've learned.) Here are the main differences:

1) Marriage as one of two equally valid options for the course of my life. Not something to obsess over or freak out about, whether or not I eventually participate in it. Just a potential course God may have me take someday. If I never get married, I will be fine. More than fine. Blessed. Because God doesn't withhold blessings from His children, and it's exciting to see how blessings come in different ways. (If I do marry, no matter when it is, I know I won't regret the wait. And if I never marry, I won't be pressured to give up the best last name in the history of last names. Seriously? Winter? You can't beat that. Apologies to the rest of the world.)

2) Marriage as pleasantly challenging, even when it's difficult. Last Sunday night Pastor Dale spoke of the importance of fighting for unity with each other, of striving to put others first, of choosing to give in for the sake of the relationship. And I found myself smiling and thinking, "Yes. Bring it on." (Dangerous thoughts fully known to a dangerous God.) 

3) Marriage as sharing. Sharing responsibilities, and joys, and sorrows, and frustrations, and interests, and experiences, and encouragement, and growth. Not one grasping for more, but both eager to give of self and of time and of possessions. 

4) This might be the biggest change...marriage as fun. My favorite aunt and uncle got divorced when I was fifteen. Ever since then, I've focused a lot on how difficult a marriage relationship would be. Nothing but work, work, work, all the time. In the past year or so, and especially since certain epiphanies about the true nature of my character, something has been shifting. Now I think that if I were to get married, it would be hilarious on many levels, not least of which would be the radical divergences from my past perspectives. 

But all of this is not primarily about How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Marriage. This is primarily about God pulling me out of myself, leading me though dangerous valleys and beside still waters, feeding my desire for depth by continuing to deepen me in all my relationships. It's about trusting God and taking risks because of it (risks that sometimes involve waiting and patience). About how looking back over my own life increases my faith that God knows what He's doing. About affirming that what He has for me, whatever He has for me, is good. About living as His child in His family: sometimes leaning hard on each other and sometimes smashing up against each other and showering sparks in the process of sharpening us for the tasks at hand, but always pulling towards the same goal. 

I want to get my hands dirty in this glorifying God business.