Dark Phoenix Rising

Lately I've been feeling like Dark Phoenix. Yeah, from the X-Men. (I identify with fictional characters on a level nobody else I know of has ever been on.) There is a lot simmering in my heart and mind and soul just now, and some days it feels like I'm hovering on the edge of a psychic break.

"What are you talking about?" the non-X-Men-literate among you ask, quite probably while shaking your head fondly all the same (I'm thinking of a few of you in particular here). Well, once there was a woman named Jean Grey who had the powers of telepathy and telekinesis.  Through a series of strenuous events it eventually became clear that Jean was far more powerful than she thought she was, and that she and her mentor had been blocking off that power because it was confusing and frightening and she didn't know how to handle it. But then the psychic break happened and she became Dark Phoenix, all that power unleashed, not suppressed anymore but also not under proper control.

Sometimes I feel like I am more than what I have settled for, that there are things I could have and be with a simple flex of power running just under my skin. And feeling powerful scares me. I'm afraid of turning into Dark Phoenix, that my judgment isn't strong enough to temper my abilities, that I could destroy just as soon as create, wound as soon as heal.

But you could also argue that pretending the power wasn't there was what started the Dark Phoenix problem in the first place.

It's all very confusing, even to me, and I live in this head. (There are days I can't help but think that my life must make more sense from the outside.) So if you're confused now, too, I certainly can't blame you for it.