About twelve years ago, I had a crisis of faith. A love I had long cherished was dimming, and a new affection was taking its place. Loyalties were shifting, and that always pains me.
The X-Files was possibly replacing Star Trek as my favorite science-fiction television show.
I remember confessing this with tears, but I don't remember my mother's reaction. Few people in my life have been able to understand the fusion of self and other that takes place with me and the fictional worlds and characters that I love, the depth of my emotional and mental investment in stories of all kinds.
Few people understand, but I understood. I was crying, not because of the titanic clash between my X-phile and Trekkie sides, but because I felt that what the seriousness of this clash signified was that I was investing too much in the wrong things. I mean, Star Trek vs. X-Files? Really? In the long run, what did it matter?
I am still drawn deeply into stories, but I am also gaining perspective. I know I have to be careful what I read, what I watch, because it becomes part of me. I am better able to push off the insulted feeling that still comes if you hated a movie I enjoyed, or love a character I despise. I don't agonize over whether or not I enjoy Heroes better than Lost.
Keeping my adoration properly directed also frees me to be as excited about going to see The X-Files movie as I choose to be.
I choose to be pretty geeked about it.
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