In recent news, someone (or some people) I know:
* Entered into a serious relationship.
* Got engaged.
* Got married.
* Are expecting their first child.
[DISCLAIMER: Each of the above happened to different sets of people. This is not all just the same couple over, say, the past two years.]
* Appeared on the front cover of our alumni magazine.
In personal news:
* I bought a Mac.
* Sims Castaway Stories will run on it.
* ...um....
I am a master at creating hierarchies. This is more important than that which is more important than these things, usually but not always adding up to "Their problems/joys are more important than mine." It's a lousy excuse for actual selflessness, but at least I catch myself at it now. And it isn't always exactly jealously, it's just feeling...like maybe I'm doing something wrong. Or maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm too easily satisfied, or too good at repressing what I really want out of life.
But then there's the part of me that says that really, past all the drama I add to my life, I'm sincerely happy for everybody with BIG news.
I think that's the part of me that is also geeked about that computer game. The part that reminds me that I may be a nerd queen with no actual life, but I'm (mostly) happy with that.
Then there's my dad's voice speaking from about 11 years ago, before I went off to college: "If you want something and don't go after it, it's your fault if you don't get it."
I guess he's still right, too.
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6 comments:
I have been thinking about the same sort of thing lately. I have been to 2 weddings in the last month and another friend seriously considering it. But I manage to get joy out of the little things in life - my new "non-stick" frying pan is so much easier clean and my new hot water heater actually heats water. Yeah!
I was talking to a friend who is dealing with jealousy issues that her brother is in a serious relationship and may marry the woman he is dating and her question was "When does my life get to start?" My response to that is just because you are not married or whatever doesn't mean that your life is on hold, it's just that's not what God has for you right now. Your life or my life is about being a child of God and living the life he has given you and where he has placed you. It's about seeking him, not comparing yourself to those around you. Then you allow God to give you contentment so that you can rejoice with those around you rather than allow Satan to rob you of joy.
I don't know if this will be encouraging or not, but I've spend the last 3 years feeling like I was in limbo, waiting for things to get finished (Tim's scool, paying off debts) so my actual life could start.
I have to remind myself that this is my real life; I'm living it right now. I may be looking forward to the day when I have kids and a nice lawn and a husband with a full-time job, but this is my life, and I like it (most of the time), and there's a reason for me to be here. So, marriage doesn't fix it, is I guess what I'm saying.
I don't know where you're supposed to be going, Suzanne, but I'll be behind you all the way. In the mean time, I'm glad you're where you are, because it's very near to me.
I guess on some level I'm still waiting for the magical place where it feels like I'm doing momentous things. And just as I've wondered if it's "okay" for me to feel upset about small things, I've wondered if it's "okay" to get excited about small things.
But then the other part of me (I've apparently subdivided myself because of living alone...running two operating systems simultaneously, to use a computer metaphor since my computer is occupying my thoughts in an almost ridiculous way)...anyway, the other part of me says that there are no small things with God, and that I do see truth in the saying that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
When I was were a senior and people were in awe of my seniorhood, I would think, "But I'm still the same person, and this is still my life, and nothing feels different."
Hold on to that thought, little upperclassman Suzanne. Hold on to that thought!
I think buying a mac is BIG news!!! Enjoy it!!!
Interesting how this goes right along with Brittany's latest post about waiting for "her real life to begin". I always thought that dating someone, getting engaged, and getting married (the first 3 things on that list) were the things that would make my real life to begin. Turns out...I was wrong. Now don't get me wrong, I am immensely thankful and excited that all those things are happening to me, however...my real life began the second Jesus began forming my body.
(You do know Brittany was quoting a song lyric, right?)
As for going along with the post, I (having experienced post-grad confusion in my own way before this "now the younger group is graduating and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up" phase) can say that they are really two different sets of experiences that both fall under the heading of "uncertainty." As somebody who's graduating into a particular field (and not with a liberal arts style education) and who is getting married before the dust of college settles around her, I know it might be hard to understand how people could have questions about what use their lives are.
But then, you know what? I don't understand what it's like to live in constant pain, and unable to eat over half of the food in existence.
And you know what else? God chose each of our specific sets of trials for us, because He knew we needed them to make us holy. Isn't that an amazing thought? In fact, if our lives are "hid with Christ on high," as indeed you and Brittany and I all attest, then our lives began even further back than the formation of our bodies. Before the foundation of the world, God knew where He would put us.
Praise God in all things!
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