Home from the Holidays

I am sitting at home (where I live) after being home (with my parents and often my brother) for the holidays, with a whole year stretching out before me. Here are some of my thoughts tonight.

• My computer is mind-numbingly slow. I have probably loaded way too many songs and way too many pictures onto a hard drive unequipped to handle the pressure. Perhaps I should invest in a portable hard drive just so I could keep the pictures accessible, but not have them cluttering up my working hard drive.

• I’ve graduated from college, supported myself for 6 years, and now, as I enter the last full year of my twenties (I’ll be 30 on June 2009, God willing—plan your parties now!), I still don’t like the thought of “growing up.” (Anybody who thinks I am in any way too serious or too regimented to be considered anything but thoroughly grown up already did not know me when I was a child. I have always been like that.) I don’t like how you get older and things change, and people change, and how you can’t ever really go back. I appreciate growth. Within reason. But there is definitely a part of me that always wants to be a little girl and have fun. I guess I can look around at family members like my parents and realize that these are not mutually incompatible goals....

• I have way more stuff than I need. I like most of it, but sometimes I fantasize about burglars or tornadoes or fires, and about “starting over” and not accumulating so much. I would miss some things, but if I can lose two grandfathers and a cousin to death, and if I can lose friends and family to distance and time, I can lose (for instance) my notes from my college Playwriting class. (Downside of any of the above scenarios, of course: I do not want to lose my bird. He is a living creature who loves me and for whom I am responsible.)

• As I was thinking earlier about how the idea of a fire cleaning out my garbage is appealing, an association sprang to mind: the Holy Spirit is called a fire. I have a lot of spiritual and emotional garbage that I would miss a lot less than those Playwriting notes. I'm sure I would miss a fair amount of it, but I am willing to try it. Terrified, but willing. Bring on the holy fire, Lord.

• I have a lot of baggage around here (physically) that I could take care of in about half an hour if I would just get off the computer and focus on unpacking....

There's a lot more rattling around up there, but I need blog fodder for later, right? Right.

Happy New Year, everyone. May you not make hasty resolutions today or any other day this year, and may God grant you the power to follow through on every promise to make to yourself and to others.