I just received an email notice about three New Year's Eve parties hosted by various members for my church. One is for "children of the 80's," one is for young couples, and one is for Baby Boomers.
You might be able to read between the lines and say that "child of the 80's" means anybody who likes the 80's. But the others seem...segregationist.
I understand that it is good to be able to associate with people in your stage of life. I feel quite encouraged to be with single women of my age group. (I can't think of any at my church beside me, but the principle stays the same, I guess.) I just feel a little twingy when I see notes in the bulletin saying things like, "Hey, all the young couples/old couples/baby boomers/moms/wives/etc./etc. are getting together for awesome fun!"
Maybe it's because I don't feel like I have a niche (although I do). Maybe it's because I feel like nobody in these groups would want to talk to anybody who wasn't in the group (although I'm sure they would).
There is some part of me underneath all the feeling sorry for myself that knows we can all learn from each other, no matter our age or where we are in life, and that remembers feeling strangely cut off when I went to college and spent most of four years in groups of fellow students who were roughly my age.
But sometimes it's buried deeper underneath than I'd like.
My social schedule isn't affected by any of these parties this year, anyway. I'm pretty sure all Harvest single women between 25 and 30 are going to be spending the holiday week with my family.
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actually, Tim and I talked about this. We're having a super-secret party at T&L's howse to which old and young (but mostly young) and single and married alike are invited. But for now it's super-secret because if we were to publicise it, so many people would want to come to our super-awesome party that all of these other parties would have no attendees and T&L's house would be packed to the max. But we don't want that, so it's on the downlow. ANyway, if you find yourself available of course, you are invited.
Many former singles I've talked to will admit that the church is the lonliest place to be a single.
I don't mind parties with private invitations to select groups--it's the public select group parties that feel isolating. And I don't think that's just because I'm single--adjective, not noun...in English, anyway ;)--as Anton Chekhov said, "If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry."
Also, "former singles"? Again with the nouning of an adjective. (Do you see what I just did there? That was a joke.) Is this a subtle play on my referring to large numbers of Harvest people as "aspiring marrieds"?
This is SO true, Suzanne! The church at which I am a member since leaving Harvest has the same problem, though perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. When I started going there, my other single, 20-something friend and I got up in front of the congregation during announcement time and expressed the fact that it seems like churches don't seem to know what to do with people who didn't get married immediately upon graduation from Calvin College. we then asked anyone in the congregation who was in a similar state to meet us for lunch at Bombay Cuisine after the service. 12 people showed up. And thus was birthed a couple years of great fun and fellowship. Guess sometimes we have to CREATE our own niche.
But still, I treasure my time with my household (small group) which is composed of all married couples and their children. I can learn from them in so many ways.
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