The content of their what-now?

I got my census form today. As advance information for any of you who haven't seen yours yet, here are your choices for race:

• White
• Black, African Am., or Negro
• American Indian or Alaska Native--Print name of enrolled or principal tribe.
• Asian Indian
• Chinese
• Filipino
• Japanese
• Korean
• Vietnamese
• Other Asian--Print race, for example, Hmong, Laotian, Thai, Pakistani, Cambodian, and so on.
• Native Hawaiian
• Guamanian or Chamorro
• Samoan
• Other Pacific Islander--Print race, for example, Fijian, Tongan, and so on.
• Some other race--Print race.

Oh, and these all come after the Hispanic section, where you can choose Mexican, Mexican Am., Chicano; Puerto Rican; Cuban; or another Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin, such as Argentinean, Colombian, Dominican, Nicaraguan, Salvadoran, Spaniard, and so on.

It seems we have too many Hispanics, Asians, and Pacific Islanders in the country and we're trying to figure out which group should get voted out first. (I'm guessing it won't be the Spaniards because they can hold grudges at least ten times as well as they can sword-fight ambidextrously, which, as I'm sure you're aware, is freakishly amazingly well.) I am as horrified by this as you are, but what other conclusion can we draw from such a detailed query?

White people like me are the safest. They don't ask anything about my origins. I could be anything from English to German to South African to Russian to Italian to French and nobody would know. As far as the excruciatingly detailed race section of the census is concerned, I'm in stealth mode. Flip the jackal switch.

I did think the census people could use a little help, though. They clearly care about what is important to us. So I checked the box next to "White" and then under "Some other race" I put down the race I really identify with most.

Human.

Who's with me?