I am in a fanfiction contest in which one of the prizes is a shirt printed with a quote from the fanfic author's work. So now I am in a position to pick a favorite quote...from myself. My poor little brain is going into overdrive on this one. I'm reading through all my web-published fics to find candidates.
If anybody who has read my fanfiction has a favorite quote from them, now's your time to tell me. ;)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?
Kindred spirits turn out to be not so rare as I thought before I gave them a chance. I've found over the past several months that the more I release my expectations and preconceived notions of people, the more I'm able to enjoy them as the people they are. I've had a series of extremely enjoyable experiences in that regard, and I expect that I will have many more as I practice appreciating the people who are in front of me and letting the people I invented stay confined to fiction.
Sanctification must be a work of God, because this has been a sea change.
Sanctification must be a work of God, because this has been a sea change.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
So this is what this feels like....
Once I thought sports fans got way too worked up about something that had nothing to do with their actual lives. For instance, my roommate Kerri would feel down for hours after a major Red Wings loss. I would wonder how people could get that involved in something they had no part in.
Tonight I woke up (metaphorically speaking) because I realized that I am feeling all emotionally distraught because...well...Kate! Sawyer! Come on! What about Jack? The poor guy!
Turns out I've been getting emotionally involved in things that have "nothing to do with me" for a long, long time. And they really are important. Somehow. To me.
To everyone who is into sports: I get it more now.
To Kerri in particular: I'm glad we also have major overlap areas. The words "Harry Potter" come to mind....
Tonight I woke up (metaphorically speaking) because I realized that I am feeling all emotionally distraught because...well...Kate! Sawyer! Come on! What about Jack? The poor guy!
Turns out I've been getting emotionally involved in things that have "nothing to do with me" for a long, long time. And they really are important. Somehow. To me.
To everyone who is into sports: I get it more now.
To Kerri in particular: I'm glad we also have major overlap areas. The words "Harry Potter" come to mind....
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Unleashing My Inner Techie
I hooked up my DSL modem on my own.
Also, I duct-taped a couple phone jack pieces that had snapped, and now it works. That's not the only jury-rigged solution I've come up in my years of doing things on my own. Seriously, I'm like MacGyver.
Now my internet connection is so fast I think I'm going to succumb to another round of internet addiction. At least until I finish watching back episodes of Lost and Ask a Ninja and stuff like that.
Also, I duct-taped a couple phone jack pieces that had snapped, and now it works. That's not the only jury-rigged solution I've come up in my years of doing things on my own. Seriously, I'm like MacGyver.
Now my internet connection is so fast I think I'm going to succumb to another round of internet addiction. At least until I finish watching back episodes of Lost and Ask a Ninja and stuff like that.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
This Week in (my) History
Last Thursday, I signed up for a basic DSL package. My decision to go DSL, while largely motivated by my recent infatuation with Lost and desire to catch up on it so I can start watching episodes the week they air, was reinforced by the fact that it took me about an hour and a half to investigate and sign up for this package, even though I was already pretty sure that I wanted it. Ah, 56 Kbps modem...you have served me well. So I'll be getting my shiny new modem soon, and my friend Brittany will come install it, all for the thanks of a grateful nation. (Also, I will buy her dinner or something, because she will have earned it for being my hero of the week.) And after all the signing up, I got a little note saying I would be getting my dialup service for free from now on since dialup is included with the DSL package. This means I'll be spending about $13 less per month than anticipated.
Friday night was the youth group Valentine's banquet at my church. (Yes, they moved the Valentine's banquet to March.) I was not freaking out or anxious. This actually concerned me a bit. I wondered if maybe I had just given up and become apathetic. But it occurred to me that perhaps this is just what patience and peace feel like--praise God for spiritual growth! Not that there weren't moments of frenetic energy. Perhaps understandably, since "frenetic" has connotations of insanity, frenetic energy concerns some people. I got a few "It's okay! It's all gonna work out!" comments. I, however, was "Let's do this" mode, putting the pre-show adrenaline to good use, and generally enjoying myself while bustling about like someone a step away from sanity. I love that rush just before a show in which you feel that anything is possible and that any problems can be fixed as long as you can spot them first. The kids did a great job, and I was proud of them all.
After the banquet, I joined some people who were going bowling. My previous high in a bowling game was 112, a high set over 10 years ago when I was in a homeschool bowling league bowling two games every week for about two years. Friday night I scored a 145. It was like being in an alternate reality. I asked a friend to ask me a math question, but he just laughed, so I'll never know for sure whether or not it was an alternate reality. I would suspect not, though. Star Trek has taught me that in alternate realities, for starters, people usually dress differently and have different facial hair. Such was not the case Friday night.
Saturday I hung out at a bookstore with a friend I haven't talked with for a long time.
Sunday I played Memory with two kids from Somalia whose only English displayed during the game was pretty much "You" (your turn), "Go" (it's your turn), "Susa" (no, don't go yet, it's Suzanne's turn), and "Me?" (is it my turn yet?). I think that was the most relaxed they've been the whole time I've worked with them. And, actually, the most communicative. At one point, the girl looked at me and started speaking before realizing she was speaking Somali and I didn't know it. Even if she couldn't remember the English then, I appreciated that she wanted to tell me something. Of course, at another point, she was shooting me little glances and whispering something to her brother. I never know whether or not to be nervous in those cases. For instance, when they first heard my name and were trying it out on their own tongues, they couldn't stop laughing....
DSL and saving money on it.
A banquet with no breakdowns and a lot of peace and joy.
A best-ever bowling game.
A good long talk with a friend.
Smiles and camaraderie from across a language barrier.
In the last several days I've seen God's blessings showing up all over the place.
Friday night was the youth group Valentine's banquet at my church. (Yes, they moved the Valentine's banquet to March.) I was not freaking out or anxious. This actually concerned me a bit. I wondered if maybe I had just given up and become apathetic. But it occurred to me that perhaps this is just what patience and peace feel like--praise God for spiritual growth! Not that there weren't moments of frenetic energy. Perhaps understandably, since "frenetic" has connotations of insanity, frenetic energy concerns some people. I got a few "It's okay! It's all gonna work out!" comments. I, however, was "Let's do this" mode, putting the pre-show adrenaline to good use, and generally enjoying myself while bustling about like someone a step away from sanity. I love that rush just before a show in which you feel that anything is possible and that any problems can be fixed as long as you can spot them first. The kids did a great job, and I was proud of them all.
After the banquet, I joined some people who were going bowling. My previous high in a bowling game was 112, a high set over 10 years ago when I was in a homeschool bowling league bowling two games every week for about two years. Friday night I scored a 145. It was like being in an alternate reality. I asked a friend to ask me a math question, but he just laughed, so I'll never know for sure whether or not it was an alternate reality. I would suspect not, though. Star Trek has taught me that in alternate realities, for starters, people usually dress differently and have different facial hair. Such was not the case Friday night.
Saturday I hung out at a bookstore with a friend I haven't talked with for a long time.
Sunday I played Memory with two kids from Somalia whose only English displayed during the game was pretty much "You" (your turn), "Go" (it's your turn), "Susa" (no, don't go yet, it's Suzanne's turn), and "Me?" (is it my turn yet?). I think that was the most relaxed they've been the whole time I've worked with them. And, actually, the most communicative. At one point, the girl looked at me and started speaking before realizing she was speaking Somali and I didn't know it. Even if she couldn't remember the English then, I appreciated that she wanted to tell me something. Of course, at another point, she was shooting me little glances and whispering something to her brother. I never know whether or not to be nervous in those cases. For instance, when they first heard my name and were trying it out on their own tongues, they couldn't stop laughing....
DSL and saving money on it.
A banquet with no breakdowns and a lot of peace and joy.
A best-ever bowling game.
A good long talk with a friend.
Smiles and camaraderie from across a language barrier.
In the last several days I've seen God's blessings showing up all over the place.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Note to fans of Tolkien, and/or me
I will be having a poem published in the Minas Tirith Evening-Star, the journal of the American Tolkien Society.
How. Cool. Is that???
I feel celebratory.
How. Cool. Is that???
I feel celebratory.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
What is this feeling?
It's not sudden, but it is new, and I am savoring it.
Next week is Valentine's Day.
And I'm okay with that.
This is nothing less than a sea change in my perception of the holiday. In the past, a post on Valentine's Day would involve withering social commentary on the degredation of relationship, the shallow simperings of what our culture calls romance, and the undue pressures on single people to believe that they are less than okay on their own.
What has changed? Several things, but mostly it's that I've decided to live honestly. It's amazing how many things cease to be problems when you're just honest with yourself about their existence and stop trying to live up to some wacked ideal you made up.
In the past, I did feel on some level (though I didn't acknowledge this honestly to myself until a few months ago) that I was failing by not living up to the American/Family/Church/Whoever's Dream of marriage and children. I got mad at other people, mad at myself, mad at Valentine's Day, etc. A friend of mine once told me that anger is a masking emotion--that when you're angry, you should stop and examine what's really going on. Well, fear of failure on the level I was experiencing it (i.e. failure as anything ever going anything other than how I thought it should) is a pretty big thing to mask, so no wonder there was a lot of anger.
Now that I'm being honest about what I was hiding, I am able to address it and to bring all the voices in my head into a steady coexistence. It goes something like this:
Voice #1: I'm a failure for not dating.
Voice #2: No, I'm not. That's stupid sentimental trash. In fact, I'm actually a failure for feeling like a failure.
Voice #3: I'm afraid of commitment.
Voice #1: No guys like me.
Voice #2: Who needs them?
Voice #3: All kinds of guys like me. And if I were dating any of them, there would probably be temptations to exclude other people, and also probably a lot of talking about The Relationship. As it is, any and all of my guy friends and I can have detailed conversations about the relational complications on, say, The Office or Smallville.
Voice #1: I guess I do like that better.
Voice #2: You know what I like? Episodes without Lana angst.
Voice #3: Oh, I so know what you're talking about....
And in such a way is mystical oneness achieved.
I like being honest with me.
Next week is Valentine's Day.
And I'm okay with that.
This is nothing less than a sea change in my perception of the holiday. In the past, a post on Valentine's Day would involve withering social commentary on the degredation of relationship, the shallow simperings of what our culture calls romance, and the undue pressures on single people to believe that they are less than okay on their own.
What has changed? Several things, but mostly it's that I've decided to live honestly. It's amazing how many things cease to be problems when you're just honest with yourself about their existence and stop trying to live up to some wacked ideal you made up.
In the past, I did feel on some level (though I didn't acknowledge this honestly to myself until a few months ago) that I was failing by not living up to the American/Family/Church/Whoever's Dream of marriage and children. I got mad at other people, mad at myself, mad at Valentine's Day, etc. A friend of mine once told me that anger is a masking emotion--that when you're angry, you should stop and examine what's really going on. Well, fear of failure on the level I was experiencing it (i.e. failure as anything ever going anything other than how I thought it should) is a pretty big thing to mask, so no wonder there was a lot of anger.
Now that I'm being honest about what I was hiding, I am able to address it and to bring all the voices in my head into a steady coexistence. It goes something like this:
Voice #1: I'm a failure for not dating.
Voice #2: No, I'm not. That's stupid sentimental trash. In fact, I'm actually a failure for feeling like a failure.
Voice #3: I'm afraid of commitment.
Voice #1: No guys like me.
Voice #2: Who needs them?
Voice #3: All kinds of guys like me. And if I were dating any of them, there would probably be temptations to exclude other people, and also probably a lot of talking about The Relationship. As it is, any and all of my guy friends and I can have detailed conversations about the relational complications on, say, The Office or Smallville.
Voice #1: I guess I do like that better.
Voice #2: You know what I like? Episodes without Lana angst.
Voice #3: Oh, I so know what you're talking about....
And in such a way is mystical oneness achieved.
I like being honest with me.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Outrage of the Day
When I renew my license plate this year, they’re going to force me to get a NEW license plate. I like the blue with the white letters. A lot. This is the plate of my entire life, and now they are taking it away from me because they say blue on white is easier to read.
(See, Brittany, life is difficult even after college.)
It’s a good thing I found out about this now. I have 5 months to get used to the idea. And to prep my brain for remembering a new plate number.
Speaking of which, one of the first things I asked my boss when he told us his Secretary of State woes was “Am I going to have to have a new license plate number, too?”
“Noooo,” he said. “They’ll just flip through their files and find out which one you have. Or maybe they can make you one just like it.”
“Right,” I said. “Retract stupid question.”
Then he emailed me later with this:
I just emailed the secretary of state to ask her if you could get the same license plate number when you come in to renew your tabs later in the year. She said that she can’t make any promises but told me to tell you to pay a visit to Rocko Scarcello in cell block # 9 at the Jackson state prison, he might be able to help you out.
(See, Brittany, life is difficult even after college.)
It’s a good thing I found out about this now. I have 5 months to get used to the idea. And to prep my brain for remembering a new plate number.
Speaking of which, one of the first things I asked my boss when he told us his Secretary of State woes was “Am I going to have to have a new license plate number, too?”
“Noooo,” he said. “They’ll just flip through their files and find out which one you have. Or maybe they can make you one just like it.”
“Right,” I said. “Retract stupid question.”
Then he emailed me later with this:
I just emailed the secretary of state to ask her if you could get the same license plate number when you come in to renew your tabs later in the year. She said that she can’t make any promises but told me to tell you to pay a visit to Rocko Scarcello in cell block # 9 at the Jackson state prison, he might be able to help you out.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Anyway (Martina McBride)
You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
one storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know
it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
~~~
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
~~~
This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will
be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
~~~
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
~~~
You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that
tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway
~~~
I sing, I dream, I love, anyway
Monday, January 22, 2007
"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."
Today I made a call for work and heard that I had reached an office in Stamford, Connecticut.
If the guy who picked up after that had been named Andy, I might have lost it.
If the guy who picked up after that had been named Andy, I might have lost it.
Friday, January 19, 2007
"Are you a cast member of any popular prime-time sitcoms?"
Today I received the following survey:
Subject: Love in the Leasing Office: Apartments.com Survey
---------------------------------
Apartments.com -
What Renters Want
Apartments.com wants to know what renters want! To find out, we'd like to get your opinion on various topics that are important to renters. This month, to help celebrate Valentines Day, Apartments.com wants to know the juicy details of your love life as a renter.
Click the link below to answer a survey on "love in the leasing office." Answer questions like:
Have you ever dated someone that lived in your apartment building?
If you did, how did that relationship work out?
Have you ever had a crush on someone that worked in your building?
Your feedback is valuable! As a special thank you for completing this survey, we'll send you the results so that you can get a glimpse into the love life of other renters.
Thank you for your time and feedback!
-Your Friends at Apartments.com
First, and least importantly...shouldn't the first question say “someone who lived in your apartment building”?
The whole thing has a “check yes or no” flavor to it. It’s like they’re sending the survey because a friend of a friend thinks you’re cute and wants to know if you think he’s cute, and maybe you could go out for pizza sometime.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
"I believe that it's going to be alright"
Tonight I went to a Sara Groves concert, and it was at my church, of all crazy places, and I bought two CD's, and I had one signed, and I got to meet Sara and shake her hand and thank her for her music, which has been so powerful in my life this past year, and, and, and, and.... I'm still geeking out.
If you have not yet heard the music of Sara Groves, give it a try. If you do not like singer-songwriter piano-playing types, at least look up some of her lyrics online. They are so rich in heart and truth. I have been quoting from Add to the Beauty for some time now.
I love her music because it inspires me not to settle for the ordinary, comfortable things. It reminds me that God's love is strong and effective, that God uses people (including the annoying people in my life and my own annoying self), that trials are temporary and grace is eternal. And now she reminds me of Breakthrough, too (now that I know that she was the one singing "Painting Pictures of Egypt," the one oft-played song at Breakthrough Training that I still wanted to hear again after the weekend was over). Together, they remind me that vulnerability may be scary and difficult, but that it is honest and alive and Christ-like in a way that personal fortress-building isn't.
In the past year or so, God has used Sara's words, and God has used Breakthrough, and God has shown His grace to me in so many ways and through so many people and circumstances. I have come up against things I was holding onto in my heart that were poisoning me and injuring my relationships with others. It hurt something awful, at times, but I'm so thankful He confronted me with truth—and that it is true that all things work to the glory of God, for the good of His people who love Him. I'm thankful for the ongoing process of confrontation. It may be difficult, and it may hurt, but as Sara Groves sings, "I can't remember a trial or pain he did not recycle to bring me gain."
If you have not yet heard the music of Sara Groves, give it a try. If you do not like singer-songwriter piano-playing types, at least look up some of her lyrics online. They are so rich in heart and truth. I have been quoting from Add to the Beauty for some time now.
I love her music because it inspires me not to settle for the ordinary, comfortable things. It reminds me that God's love is strong and effective, that God uses people (including the annoying people in my life and my own annoying self), that trials are temporary and grace is eternal. And now she reminds me of Breakthrough, too (now that I know that she was the one singing "Painting Pictures of Egypt," the one oft-played song at Breakthrough Training that I still wanted to hear again after the weekend was over). Together, they remind me that vulnerability may be scary and difficult, but that it is honest and alive and Christ-like in a way that personal fortress-building isn't.
In the past year or so, God has used Sara's words, and God has used Breakthrough, and God has shown His grace to me in so many ways and through so many people and circumstances. I have come up against things I was holding onto in my heart that were poisoning me and injuring my relationships with others. It hurt something awful, at times, but I'm so thankful He confronted me with truth—and that it is true that all things work to the glory of God, for the good of His people who love Him. I'm thankful for the ongoing process of confrontation. It may be difficult, and it may hurt, but as Sara Groves sings, "I can't remember a trial or pain he did not recycle to bring me gain."
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Door #2
I confess. There are times when I do not care about you. Not as much as I care about who could be calling me on the phone (cell or otherwise).
Why am I a slave to a telephone ring? Is it because I think someone is calling with a revolutionary bit of information, something I need to know right away? And really, isn’t any information of that sort usually also the kind of information you really wish you had never had to hear in the first place?
Or is it that maybe that person will have something wittier to say than you will, or will be more willing to listen to me talk about myself, or will ask some question that shows they care about me more than you do?
While we’re on the subject, do I hate making phone calls because I don’t want to put people out, or because I’m afraid they will choose Door #3?
Goals for this year:
- Cut back on answering the phone when real people are right with me—especially since I have an answering machine for my land line and voicemail for my cell phone, and that’s sort of the point of having them. So I don’t have to answer the phone, but people can still tell me what they need/want to tell me.
- Make telephone calls with confidence.
- Whether in person or on the phone, grant others the honor of my full presence.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Strange Communications
This Christmas I received a Christmas voicemail from a complete stranger, or at least someone with an unrecognizable voice who did not identify himself. He hoped us guys were doing okay down here.
We are.
This reminds me that my uncle who works for the United States Postal Service told a story about how very recently somebody came around to various route worker stations asking if anyone had certain people on their route. Because they had been working with a very old letter sorter and found two letters stuck in there. From 1979. Imagine the bittersweet memories possible in the receipt of those letters.
We are.
This reminds me that my uncle who works for the United States Postal Service told a story about how very recently somebody came around to various route worker stations asking if anyone had certain people on their route. Because they had been working with a very old letter sorter and found two letters stuck in there. From 1979. Imagine the bittersweet memories possible in the receipt of those letters.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Did you get barbecue on that?
(And don't try telling me I did it myself. You know I don't even LIKE barbecue.)
I got a Christmas present tonight. It made me laugh more than any Christmas present I've ever gotten.
Just for the record.
I got a Christmas present tonight. It made me laugh more than any Christmas present I've ever gotten.
Just for the record.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
A Fear Realized
I went to the dentist tonight. I haven't been for a year and a half, but I have untouchable tooth enamel, so that was all right.
Except NOT.
I have a cavity. My first ever cavity. I am hyper-nervous now, as if my tooth may fall out at any moment. I have an appointment on January 4 to get it filled. The thought of getting a cavity filled terrifies me beyond the capacity for rational thought.
*whimper*
Please keep any dental horror stories to yourselves until this nightmare is over.
Except NOT.
I have a cavity. My first ever cavity. I am hyper-nervous now, as if my tooth may fall out at any moment. I have an appointment on January 4 to get it filled. The thought of getting a cavity filled terrifies me beyond the capacity for rational thought.
*whimper*
Please keep any dental horror stories to yourselves until this nightmare is over.
Friday, December 15, 2006
By Faith
Janessa sees the tide turning, the enemy vanquished, the battle won. She sees the power of the king at work in the land, and today she bore the news to another of his subjects, and so I bring it to you, and so it goes on, or not, as you choose.
She started me thinking about the stories in Scripture, and how many radical reversals there were, and how hopeless things appeared just before: Joseph's family starving in Canaan; Hebrews breaking their backs in a hostile land, helpless against the slaughter of their children; a widow returning to a home turned strange, accompanied only by a foreigner; the Philistines with the world's most powerful warrior on their side and the Israelites with a king cowering in a tent.
This could be the last moment before everything changes for the better.
She started me thinking about the stories in Scripture, and how many radical reversals there were, and how hopeless things appeared just before: Joseph's family starving in Canaan; Hebrews breaking their backs in a hostile land, helpless against the slaughter of their children; a widow returning to a home turned strange, accompanied only by a foreigner; the Philistines with the world's most powerful warrior on their side and the Israelites with a king cowering in a tent.
Who is it who's been telling you that things are only going to get worse? Don't you think that's what the disciples thought, watching their hope die before their eyes?
This could be the last moment before everything changes for the better.
Some People Change
Montgomery Gentry lyrics
His old man was a rebel yeller:
Bad boy to the bone.
He'd say: "Can't trust that other fella,"
He'd judge 'em by the tone of their skin.
He was raised to think like his Dad:
Narrow mind full of hate.
On the road to no-where fast,
Till the Grace of God got in the way.
Then he saw the Light an' hit his knees an' cried an' said a prayer:
Rose up a brand new man; left the old one right there.
Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
She was born with her mother's habit:
You could say: "It's in her blood."
She hates that she's gotta have it:
As she fills her glass up.
An she'd love to kill that bottle,
But all she can think about,
Is a, a better life, a second chance,
An' everyone she's letting down.
She throws that bottle down.
Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
Thank God for those who make it:
Let them be the Light.
(Let them be the light)
(Some people change.)
Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
Some people change.
(Some people change)
His old man was a rebel yeller:
Bad boy to the bone.
He'd say: "Can't trust that other fella,"
He'd judge 'em by the tone of their skin.
He was raised to think like his Dad:
Narrow mind full of hate.
On the road to no-where fast,
Till the Grace of God got in the way.
Then he saw the Light an' hit his knees an' cried an' said a prayer:
Rose up a brand new man; left the old one right there.
Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
She was born with her mother's habit:
You could say: "It's in her blood."
She hates that she's gotta have it:
As she fills her glass up.
An she'd love to kill that bottle,
But all she can think about,
Is a, a better life, a second chance,
An' everyone she's letting down.
She throws that bottle down.
Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
Thank God for those who make it:
Let them be the Light.
(Let them be the light)
(Some people change.)
Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
Some people change.
(Some people change)
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Look! Up in the sky!
A weather service warning scrolling across the bottom of my TV screen alerted me that the Northern Lights had been spotted over West Michigan. The best place to view them from, I was informed, was from somewhere dark. Undaunted by the fact that I lived in an apartment complex, I raced downstairs to the parking lot. This was not an entirely bad notion, in that a) at least I was outside and b) the parking lot light is often burned out, in which case the parking lot feels very, very dark.
I exited through the front door and was looking up at the sky before I reached the sidewalk to the parking lot. There were no Northern Lights visible, and, perhaps in related news, the light in the parking lot was quite bright.
So I didn't get to fulfill my dream of seeing the Northern Lights. But I did see, out of the corner of my eye as I was gazing up earnestly, that the man out walking his two dogs across the way had started looking up, too.
That, along with the three constellations I recognized instantly, made my evening.
I exited through the front door and was looking up at the sky before I reached the sidewalk to the parking lot. There were no Northern Lights visible, and, perhaps in related news, the light in the parking lot was quite bright.
So I didn't get to fulfill my dream of seeing the Northern Lights. But I did see, out of the corner of my eye as I was gazing up earnestly, that the man out walking his two dogs across the way had started looking up, too.
That, along with the three constellations I recognized instantly, made my evening.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Church by any other name
Tonight I went to a two-hour long discussion on what kind of church building we might build/buy, and how we might work out logistics until we have such a building, and by the time I left the meeting I was in tears.
I don't think this is all church is. Is it? A building? Is church two Sunday services (different sermons, for the love of the Book of Church Order!), a half-hearted Sunday School class or two, a Wednesday night Bible study where all of the factual questions are answered "correctly" and all of the subjective "what does this mean for you" questions are met with reticence? This is how I've lived for so long, and really in some ways it's how I’m comfortable.
So why did I leave crying?
Because of the part of me that desperately longs for more out of church than attendance. Because of the part of me that fears more. Because I feel that the kind of church I've been living recently makes my worst nightmares possible.
Because I don't want a building, I want a family.
I don't think this is all church is. Is it? A building? Is church two Sunday services (different sermons, for the love of the Book of Church Order!), a half-hearted Sunday School class or two, a Wednesday night Bible study where all of the factual questions are answered "correctly" and all of the subjective "what does this mean for you" questions are met with reticence? This is how I've lived for so long, and really in some ways it's how I’m comfortable.
So why did I leave crying?
Because of the part of me that desperately longs for more out of church than attendance. Because of the part of me that fears more. Because I feel that the kind of church I've been living recently makes my worst nightmares possible.
Because I don't want a building, I want a family.
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