That night, I went to church alone and sat in the back row, wrestling with the disappointment and fighting to drop frustration that God would let me get that excited about something that wasn't going to happen. That year, I stood in the back, singing the Hallelujah Chorus without joining everyone in the front, praising through the ruin of my own plans.
Tonight I sang in the choir for the first half of the service, and when we sang the Hallelujah Chorus at the end my sister-in-law and my niece joined me up front, and we sung together (my niece just clinging to her mom, but present), and I missed a few notes in the confusion and the joy. In thinking of the imperfections, I thought also of my niece's words when I came to join them the first time the choir sat down.
"Thank you for singing," she said.
In the end, the love of your audience covers the feebleness of your efforts. I am thankful, this Christmas, to have been forgiven much, and loved even beyond that.
