How do these things happen?

Somehow I became part of the committee referred to below....

Thank you all for your willingness to participate on the web committee. I’m looking forward to working with everyone on developing unity with our web sites and improving our intranet site.

As a team some of our goals will be:

Sharing web information with end users in your departments and others on the committee.
Forming ideas for insidegt.com (intranet site).
Aiding in the design of your department web site.
Creating unity with G&T web sites.

Each web site will be approved by all committee members. I will be meeting with each one of you to get your ideas for your department and Insidegt.com before you meet with the developer.

A Brief Manifesto

Because I have an opinion for every situation for which I have a quote.

"Turkey Day."

[Pinteresque pause]

I can understand this from people who deny that we have anyone to give thanks to, because we got here by ourselves and we are the captains of our souls and all that.

But from Christians? Are you also too cheap or short-sighted to give thanks? Do you think you're being cute? It isn't cute. Words have meaning, and symbolism matters, and "Happy Turkey Day" reduces the one holiday I have any respect for to the same materialistic level as all the others.

I'm sure nobody I know who uses the phrase has thought about it yet. Or maybe they have and decided that it doesn't matter. Maybe this is what you deal with when you're one of those people who, as my pastor said Sunday night, "wear their feelings right under their skin." Not that I would know what that's like.

I'm da man!

I just replaced my windshield wiper blades. Alone. With no assistance. Unaided. Turns out it's quite a rush doing something you didn't know you could do.

Dad: "You replaced your headlight, you replaced your wiper blades...what's next, rebuilding your whole engine?"

Could be, Dad. Could be.

Jibblyjibblyjibbly!!!!

This morning, moments after getting in, Amanda yelled, "Suzanne, don't move, it's going to kill you!!!"

"WHAT?!" I said calmly, jerking my feet off the floor and looking around down there.

She pointed at the wall above me. I turned around. We saw the creature from the monstrous unknown!

http://www.whatsthatbug.com/cent.html

Second picture down. Oh, yes. Except larger. And the legs always moving, moving, moving. And (apparently), antennae and beady eyes.

I say "apparently" because Amanda and I saw this thing and screamed, "Boy! We need a boy! TOBIN!!!"

Tobin is the boss. And a quality boss, as this incident shows. He came out and got on a desk. After a closer examination of the beast, he killed it and threw the carcass in the dumpster outside in case it came back from the undead to terrorize us again.

Through all of this, Amanda and I were taking turns hiding behind each other and squealing and shaking our hands/arms because we each had a severe case of the jibblies.

The hideousness of that creature will haunt my dreams....

Christmas gift ideas for the linguist who has everything

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/086516472X/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-4397925-5586330#reader-page

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0865164207/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-9031017-5439150#reader-link

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0865165556/104-9031017-5439150?v=glance&n=283155&%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance

"Not daydreams--dreams."

Last night I dreamed I had papers due, but I didn't finish them. Then I dreamed I was driving somewhere and got lost, and that I had left my cell phone somewhere so I couldn't call anyone for directions, and I didn't know how to get back to the place with my cell phone, and I had somewhere I wanted to be and I arrived about 9 hours late, at which time the reason for being there was practically void anyway, and nobody else who was at the place I wanted to be had thought it was important enough to call me, because they didn't think it was important to have me there, and I kept waking up and thinking "it was just a dream" and then I would fall back to sleep and right back into the same dream. It probably didn't help that just before I went to bed last night I had finished watching an episode of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer in which nightmares became reality.

I am so tired...it's going to be an interesting day....

Defending Honor

Sometimes I wish I were married just so that I could defend men from the onslaughts of four out of five of the other women in this office, who are constantly complaining about how men are insensitive, unthinking idiots who are more trouble than they are worth. I want to say, "No, actually, men are just different, and I for one appreciate that very much, and it has been extraordinarily helpful to me in my personal growth, and I love the opportunity to see things from another perspective, and they might not always think enough but generally we think too much," etc., etc. But when I try they kind of look at me like, "Oh, you don't have a man of your own, you don't know."

For the record, I know some really awesome men. So I get really defensive when people make blanket negative statements about men. True, I have been guilty of throwing those around in the past myself, but I have come to realize that I was wrong.

Back off and/or get some perspective, bitter coworkers.

"T" as in "Tom," "V" as in "Victor"

Isn't it interesting how many letters sound the same over the phone? And isn't it interesting to hear what words are chosen to represent them? As soon as the woman I just spoke to said "'T' as in 'Tom,'" I knew exactly what was coming next.

One time we had a customer calling in to request a pattern sample, and the number for it was M621-something, and he said, "'M' as in 'Muratone,'" which is the name of the pattern, and it amazed us all because so few people use the word that the letter represents in order to explain what the letter is. (My syntax has been off all week. I apologize.)

Next time we have to spell out a word over the phone, let's start using words and names that nobody else uses as helpful aids. Imagine how entertained the customer service person you are speaking to will be when you say "'T' as in 'Troglodyte,' 'V' as in 'Vermicious.'"

"I decided I don't like her. She's too real."

The above was a friend's semi-joking comment after she listened to my copy of Most of It Is True. We both agreed that when we listened to the CD it was hard to fight off the impulse to look around to see if anyone else knew that Rachel Zylstra was reading our minds and then singing about what we were thinking and feeling.

For anyone reading this who doesn't already know who Rachel Zylstra is, hearing that she is a fabulous singer-songwriter doesn't really go far enough. Go to CDBaby.com and order her CD, which is currently out of stock because it's so great, but will hopefully be back in stock for you soon. In the meantime, go to her website (www.rachelzylstra.com) and find out more about her...you can even download songs and song clips.

Go now.

Fine, I guess, unless you're actually asking, in which case the answer is gonna be longer....

"How are you" is possibly the most awkward question in the English language. Certainly the most awkward question likely to be encountered on a regular basis. I hate that question. I want people to clarify.

Example 1: How are you? By which I mean, "Hi, I haven't seen you for a while, but I don't really care about you at all because we weren't ever really friends, so please don't answer the question unless you use a meaningless response like 'Fine.'"

Example 2: How are you? By which I mean, "I am in fact concerned about you, but only on a surface level, so I just want to make sure that no one you know has died lately and/or you aren't two seconds from suicide."

Example 3: How are you? By which I mean, "I care deeply about you as a person and I really want to know, and even if it takes you hours and you start crying while you're trying to explain, I won't be glancing at my watch and wondering why I bothered asking how you are, because I honestly do care a lot."

Without this sort of clarification, there tends to be an awkward pause while I try to decide how the questioner intended the question, and then I answer hesitantly while I ponder whether there is a difference between lying and adhering to social convention.

I need a better response to the question. Any ideas?