Recently, I had a kill-or-be-killed dream which presented an epiphany when I woke, about my recurring dreams in this mold
and my false “need” to take care of things on my own.
Not long after, I had a
similar dream that was slightly different than the usual model—instead of being
alone, this time I had friends with me, and we made a plan to handle things
together.
Then, last night….
I don’t remember the dream. I remember a sense of
panic, and a sense that I would be awake for a while, afraid of going back to
sleep. And then I remember rebuking the dream, or something in the dream, or
the fear itself, in the name of Jesus, reciting Scripture at it. The emotional response is vivid, but the details are a little fuzzy, and I don’t
remember now if that last bit was part of the dream or something that happened in
waking, because, if I was awake, I fell back to sleep almost immediately.
Several years in a row were “theme years”—years
when I would think that “this year’s personal/spiritual growth will be focused
on [insert quality].” It was never something I planned, it was something that
just came to me, and then I would be thinking consciously about it for the next
several months. I haven’t had that feeling for a while, not since I thought “this year will be about taking things as they come.” That
was the year my dad died.
This week, I have been thinking that this year’s theme
is going to be living in the moment, not waiting for people to leave me or bad
things to happen. This morning, I realized that means that this year will be
about fighting fear.
Oh Lord Jesus, may I invoke your name with increasing
frequency, in sleeping or waking, and to the same effect in both.
